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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325510">Going under</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e'>s_a_b_i_n_e</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood-centric, Alpha Magnus Bane, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Angst, Courting Rituals, Fluff, Happy Ending, Heat without intercourse, Internalised Omegaphobia, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Alec Lightwood, Omega Verse, True Mates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec is a strong omega shadowhunter and the future Head of the Institute. For living like this, Alec suppresses his omega side and he's fine with it. But then he meets his true mate, the alpha warlock Magnus, and everything heads down south.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood &amp; Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood &amp; Jace Wayland, Clary Fray &amp; Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The heat is on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Fuck, fuck, fuck. Not now. Not here!</i>
</p><p>Alec pats Jace on the back and drags him to the other side of the room. "I need to go back to the Institute. Now!" he says insistently.</p><p>Jace looks disbelieving at his brother. "We need you for the summoning, Alec. You can't leave! I thought we talked about that."</p><p>Alec pulls the alpha closer and whispers directly into his ear. "I must. I'm going into heat."</p><p>Jace's eyes grow wide. "You're not due for another week, Alec," he murmurs. "Your cycle is regularly as clockwork. Are you absolutely sure you're not just coming down with something?" He examines his parabatai worriedly.</p><p>Alec rolls his eyes at his brother. "I don't know why it came in early, but yes, I'm 100 per cent sure. Something must have triggered it." <i>Or someone</i>, his brain helpfully supplies. He darts a glance at the warlock Magnus Bane who is so different from any alpha he has ever laid his eye on. Yes, he is good looking, his features beautiful, not only because of his perfect make-up.</p><p>But his obvious attractiveness isn't the problem. What really worries Alec is that he can smell the warlock even from the distance - sandalwood, orchid, and bonfire. It's not just the loft. The scent emanates from the alpha himself and has Alec's legs turn to jelly. The itching underneath his skin - the telltale sign of his approaching heat - is increasing in a velocity Alec never experienced before. <i>This is so not good.</i></p><p>He needs to get out of here. There is only so much a scent blocker can cover up - an omega in full heat surely not, no matter how much Alec pays out of his own pocket for the good stuff. He hates his heats. They will never be of any use to him. He's not a baby machine, he is a shadowhunter! Unfortunately, his reproductive organs didn't get the memo.</p><p>Alec wishes he could have a hysterectomy, like yesterday. He is secretly saving up for one, even though his parents would never allow this of course. Who would want to mate an omega who can't bear children? But as soon as he becomes the Head of the New York Institute and his parents go back to Idris he will get rid of the little fuckers that are his ovaries.</p><p>Alec purposefully breathes through his mouth, but he can still taste the alpha's scent on his tongue. He knows that there is one, and only one possible explanation for that, but he pushes the thought into the back of his mind. He needs to focus. He can't be in a warlock's lair when his heat fully hits.</p><p>"How much time do you have left?" Jace cuts through the daze.</p><p>"I don't know. Maybe thirty minutes, more or less," Alec murmurs. </p><p>"Shit, okay. Just give me a sec." Jace rushes over to Magnus who is talking to their sister Izzy. Alec sees the warlock fix his eyes on him and nodding to whatever Jace is telling him. <i>Please, don't say that I'm in heat</i>, Alec thinks. His sister looks over at him in concern. <i>Great, just great.</i></p><p>"Bane makes you a portal to the Institute, Alec. We can't let you walk home like this," Jace calls over to him.</p><p>"He can't go! We need him for the ritual," Clary shouts. The redheaded beta who likes to act like an alpha looks short of throwing a fit.</p><p>"Alec is sick, Clary. He needs to go to the infirmary. We can look for someone else or wait until he is better." The young woman still looks angry but doesn't protest anymore. Maybe because Alec really looks bad. He seems to develop a fever, judging by the droplets of sweat on his forehead. That's obviously to expect from an omega in heat, but even the ginger doesn't know Alec's second gender. He doesn't trust the new addition to their group, but Jace will surely inform her later. <i>Urgh.</i></p><p>Magnus walks over to Alec and scents the air between them. He gets nothing but a metallic whiff, not even an unpleasant odour of sickness makes its way to his nostrils. The warlock frowns. That's strange. None of the other shadowhunters wears scent blockers, but this one seems to use the strongest version on the market when even a warlock like him can't detect anything. It's like his friend Catarina when she comes to him straight from the hospital.</p><p>With Alec it's such a shame, really. The young man is his type, but without being able to scent him it's like eating your favourite meal with a blocked nose. You can never have the full experience. Magnus wonders why the tall, dark, and handsome alpha wears blockers at all. Maybe his scent is awful.</p><p>With a shudder Magnus thinks of one of his clients who smells like rotten fish. He brews him a potion every month to enhance the other components of his scent to make it more endurable. It would be a real pity if Alec were one of the unlucky few whose scents smell terrible.</p><p>"I'm coming with him," Izzy says, stepping between the warlock and her brother, preventing Magnus from getting closer. As if he would attack a sick man. <i>Silly shadowhunters.</i> "I'll return as soon as he's safe back home," Izzy announces. Magnus opens the portal and the siblings step through it, landing in front of the glamoured church. "What the hell, Alec!? Why didn't you say that you didn't feel well before we left?"</p><p>"I didn't know that my heat would hit early. Sorry for being a nuisance," he hisses. He doesn't need her shit, he's pissed off enough. His body, the old traitor, screwed up the mission.</p><p>"You're in heat? By the angels! Jace said you were sick."</p><p>"He didn't want to out me in front of Bane, I guess. If he knows that I'm an omega and that he and every other downworld alpha can probably order me, they might use it against us one day," Alec says.</p><p>"Right. Better he thinks you're an alpha like the rest of us." Alec nods. He is the only omega at the New York Institute who does fieldwork. If the downworld gets wind of him not being an alpha or beta, he will do desk work and recruit training for the rest of his life. The mere thought sends shivers of horror through his body.</p><p>They arrive at the infirmary. The nurse looks at Alec whose eyes are slowly glazing over. "My brother needs heat treatment. He's early," Izzy explains. The nurse nods and rings for a doctor. She settles Alec on a hospital bed, checks his blood pressure, and places a venous access before attaching a saline solution. Her omega scent has a soothing effect on Izzy and her brother alike. Alec envies the nurse's lemon soaked scent. It's tart and crisp, so different to his own that is slowly creeping through the blocker.</p><p>Finally the doctor arrives and Alec lets out a breath of relief. "So, Mr Lightwood. I didn't expect you for another eight days. Anything I should know before we put you under?" Alec shakes his head no. "See you in three days then," she says and motions the nurse to start the anaesthetic.</p><p>"Sleep well, hermano. Enjoy the fireworks," Izzy snickers.</p><p>"Always with the good white juice," Alec says, the words already a little slurred. He slides into a dreamless sleep with colours floating over his resting mind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think in the comments.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The awakening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec wakes up with sore muscles and the hollow feeling of emptiness in his stomach. He hates the first day after his heat. Even being well hydrated and with a constant flow of pain medication and muscle relaxants throughout the anaesthesia, a heat always takes a toll on his body. But it's still so much better than the alternative.</p><p>He went through an unmedicated heat once when he presented and the memory still sends shivers down his spine. He was a tossing, writhing mess, begging for something or <i>someone</i> to fill him. Everything hurt. He felt like burning alive. His father left his room in disgust and his mother bought the supplies he so desperately needed only on day three. Nobody called for medical help either. Still, he bears them no ill will. No-one was prepared for him presenting as an omega. There hadn't been one in the family for many generations.</p><p>It's still a miracle that he survived the deathmatch his biology threw on him. He swore to never go through another so-called natural heat ever again. Who is so masochistic to endure something like this every month? Thank the angels for modern medicine!</p><p>He rings for the nurse who appears within seconds. "Anything unusual?" she asks and after Alec shakes his head no, she removes the vein catheter. "You know the drill," she says and Alec gives her an eye-roll, but not without smiling at her. They both know he won't stay on bed rest for the rest of the day.</p><p>"Sure," he says and walks to his room. He can't wait to get out of his sweaty clothes and take a shower. He can smell himself and that's just the worst part of the whole procedure. Cherry blossoms, shortbread cookies, and melted marshmallows rise from his still slightly hot body. It's so sweet it makes him sick. How could any alpha like this scent? Not that he wants an alpha. He really doesn't. They all smell disgusting to him, everything from root beer, to calamari, mud, gasoline, and gunpowder surround him in the op centre. <i>Yuck!</i></p><p>His family alphas smell good, though. Izzy's dark chocolate and peppermint with a hint of fudge always reminds him of After Eight, his favourite little treat. He likes sweets, sue him. He only allows himself to enjoy them on birthdays and Christmas, and sometimes after a heat. You must know, he's not <i>that</i> kind of omega.</p><p>Jace's whiskey-mahogany scent with leather is his favourite alpha scent of all time. Even his alpha mother doesn't smell as good as Jace does. His beta father smells like basically nothing anyway. Well, Alec could think of one alpha scent he may like even more now, but no, he won't allow himself to go <i>there</i> with his thoughts. </p><p>He shakes his head to clean it from the memory of a bonfire that might melt perfectly with his marshmallows. He sprays his dried body with hospital-grade scent blocker and swallows his anti-slick pill as he did religiously for the last six years. Thinking about it, they probably saved him three days ago. He felt the contractions inside his womb stronger than ever before. But where nothing is produced, nothing can flow, thank the angels. Having a dry mouth all the time is a side effect he endures gladly when his arousal can't be detected by anybody. Not to say that he is aroused often anyway. The pills kind of killed his libido years ago.</p><p>Always carrying a bottle of water with him is a small price to pay. Even though his colleagues are mostly respectful, he doesn't need some old school alpha to see him as a cocktease. That could end badly for him. Anyone smelling his slick would know that he is an omega. It would blast his perfect camouflage. Due to his height, no-one thinks he might be anything but an alpha. He towers over all betas in the Institute. His parents were shocked when he presented, to put it mildly. But being a late-presenter and already having a parabatai, he stayed in active duty even through the early adjustments.</p><p>He was way too good to pull him back anyway and in time his parents grew to be somewhat proud of their omega son who defied any expectations. He is stronger than most alphas in the Institute, more strategic and less pulse-triggered what makes him a natural leader, at least for betas. Alphas still have a hard time with an omega ordering them. That's why he mostly goes out on patrol with his siblings. They trust him with their lives, literally.</p><p>The only real problem is that no good alpha wants to mate a man who is taller and stronger than them. Well, his parents think that this is a great problem, Alec is rather thankful for that. No alpha will ever rule his private world, apart from his mother that is.</p><p>Alec dresses and knocks at the room next door. Izzy is always his first visit after a heat. She worries about him, thinks that it isn't healthy to ignore his body's needs. But talk is cheap. Her rut suppressants work perfectly and her menstrual cycle is much less difficult to endure. Alec would never say that to her face, though. He can live without a high heel in his buttocks.</p><p>"Alec, you're back. How are you?" she asks with sorrowful eyes.</p><p>"I'm fine as always, Izzy. Were you able to get me into the 2 am shift?"</p><p>Izzy rolls her eyes. It's always the same with her eldest brother. Instead of taking the first day off as he is entitled to, he stretches the rules to get to work right at the twelve-hour mark. "Yes. It's one patrol. Demon activity is down, I guess we won't miss pancake day when we're back."</p><p>"Awesome. I get in some extra training to earn it," Alec says. Ever since he presented he is extremely self-critical about his body. As an omega, it is more difficult for him to gain and maintain muscle mass and three days of lying in a hospital bed on a regular basis don't help either.</p><p>"You shouldn't train today, you know that," Izzy scolds him.</p><p>"Just a bit of pilates, Izzy," he says as if she wouldn't know what kind of exercises he's more likely to be doing. She gives him a last dramatic eye-roll before he leaves her room. <i>Incorrigible</i>, she thinks.</p><p>On his way to the training room Alec crosses paths with Jace and convinces him to spar with him. The promise to take it easy flies out of the window after a few seconds. Alec knows exactly what wakes the alpha living inside his brother's brainstem. As distinguished from Alec's inner omega that is dormant and mute, Jace's alpha is always only an inch under the surface, ready to play. What does it matter that Alec's joints ache afterwards? Challenging his body feels so much better than being the meek, demur, weak-willed little omega most of society still thinks he should be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clary is still a little miffed that she had to wait for Alec to retrieve her memories. "Why don't you just take suppressants like everyone else?" she asks. <i>Typical beta.</i> </p><p>"You're not my omegologist. I won't discuss my medical history with you," Alec retorts. He wants to punch something or maybe her. Clary always seems to find other people's weak spots.</p><p>Alec wished he could take suppressants. But every time he tried them, all his physical achievements rendered void. What are three missed days every month compared to not being able to meet the physical requirements for being in the field? He's not a weak omega fussing about what vacuum cleaner to buy or what to cook for dinner. He is a demon killer thank you very much, at least 325 days of the year.</p><p>"Let's get this over with," Alec says, knocking on Magnus' door. He tries to ignore the heavenly scent that envelopes him like a warm blanket when the warlock lets in the quartette and stalks to the room where Clary finished the chalky pentagram four days ago.</p><p>They each take their place around the drawing on the floor and Magnus starts the summoning. The demon demands a visual of their greatest fear as payment for Clary's memories. Alec has the impulse to protest, but maybe fears manifest like real memories. Who is he to question how these things work?</p><p>Izzy's vision fills their circle first and shows Alec lying steeped in blood, clearly dying. The omega swallows a lump in his throat. What a great start.</p><p>Clary visualises her mother's grave. Alec feels a pang of guilt in his heart. He was so bitchy around the beta before, but she didn't mess with their lives out of fun. She really fears for her mother's life.</p><p>Jace's vison turns Alec's stomach into knots. The blond pictures himself with all five Lightwoods turning their backs and walking away from him. Alec looks over to his brother. He can't remember to ever have seen his face so vulnerable before.</p><p>Then it's Magnus' turn and Alec wonders what an all-powerful immortal could be afraid of. Interestingly enough, it's the same that mortals fear. The visual shows him on what seems to be a battlefield, holding the bodies of a green and a blue-skinned warlock closely to his chest, tears running over his face. It makes Alec's chest feel tight with a sudden urge to pull the warlock into his arms and comfort him. <i>What the hell!?</i></p><p>Alec expects a similar picture from himself, maybe a demon attack on both of his siblings. He doesn't want to see it, it would hurt too much. He lowers his gaze. He has his fair share of personal nightmares. Omegas seem to worry more than the other genders. Alec isn't stressed out about the whole thing. No, absolutely not. He's thankful that no-one in the room can smell his unease, though.</p><p>When his greatest fear visualises inside the circle, Alec hears a surprised inhale from Magnus and his eyes shoot up of their own accord. There is no blood, no dying sibling, no tombstone. No. Nothing of the sort. It's him, heavy with child, the hands of a faceless mate tenderly holding his swollen belly.</p><p>Alec curses quietly but doesn't break the circle. The cat is out of the bag, no matter how much he wants to feed the demon the last minute of Magnus' memories. He's screwed. His biggest fear might have changed only seconds ago. It would show him in front of a stack of files in a shabby office now.</p><p>He wants to leave after the demon is banished, but Jace asks him to stay as a backup. He needs to take care of Clary who struggles adjusting to all the new memories in her mind. Izzy needs to go to the Institute. Alec curses underneath his breath. <i>Fan-tastic.</i></p><p>He is parched and empties his water bottle in one big gulp, then goes into the kitchen to fill it up again. He startles when the warlock suddenly leans in the doorway. Magnus scrutinises him and Alec feels like a bug under a magnifying glass.</p><p>"I know your mother, Alexander. She gave birth to three healthy children without any complications. Unusual for an alpha if I may say so. Why are you, an omega who is perfectly created for pregnancies, afraid of being with child?" Magnus asks, his voice warm and tender.</p><p>Alec huffs a laugh. "I am a warrior, not a baby machine. I musn't give in to my impulses. No-one can know my second gender. Though that is obsolete after today, I guess. So maybe I should find myself an alpha who knocks me up and orders me around to prevent me from boring myself to death," he replies bitterly.</p><p>"Do you think that that's what it means to be a 'proper' omega? Spreading one's legs and being an alpha's slave?" Magnus asks, indignation clear in his voice.</p><p>"If an omega follows their stupid biology, of course. What else is there?" Alec shrugs his shoulders. Yes, he could have been a nurse, maybe even a doctor, but that horse is out the barn. He learnt to be a fighter and what he needs to become the Head of the Institute. There is no retraining program for shadowhunters. You follow the path you set your foot on when you are a teenager. He'll be a paper pusher for the rest of his life and the position of the Head will go to Izzy or Jace. It probably would have anyway.</p><p>"If you don't want to give up being a shadowhunter, then don't. There are plenty other people to pop out little nephilim," Magnus says, a little smile playing on his lips. </p><p>Alec snorts. "Yeah, but after today I won't be able to do my job anymore."</p><p>"Why is that?" Magnus asks, furrowing his brow. </p><p>Alec stares at him with something one might call a bitch face. "Because <i>you</i> know now that I am an omega!"</p><p>"And? What does that change?" The warlock really doesn't seem to get it.</p><p>"Pretty much everything. I can't be out in the field when I need to worry about a downworlder using their alpha voice on me," Alec spits out.</p><p>"Ah," Magnus replies, "you think I will spread the word so that everyone knows your little secret."</p><p>"Sure. Why wouldn't you?" Alec feels tears prickling in his eyes. But he won't cry, no. He has the sudden urge to go back home and lie down in his bed, to surround himself with soft blankets, maybe steal one of the cushions on Magnus' couch and nestle his face into the velvet fabric.</p><p>He shakes his head. Where does that idea suddenly come from? Maybe it's just Magnus' scent that lingers everywhere in this damn loft and the way the older man looks at him with so much empathy that it hurts.</p><p>"I know that shadowhunters don't trust downworlders, but I'm not a monster, Alec. I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn and I keep my eye on your people. You guys are meant to protect the shadow world,  but more often than not, you are a threat to us. But the good deeds <i>you</i> have done didn't go unnoticed.</p><p>"I never heard a single bad thing about you. Quite the opposite actually. You were praised to be level-headed and fair, merciful even. Nothing I would have expected from a child of Maryse and Robert Lightwood, to be honest. Just because we never met doesn't mean I don't know you.</p><p>"Besides, I am against using the alpha voice in any circumstances other than true emergencies on omegas who aren't able to protect themselves. That's what the alpha voice is for. Sometimes omegas focus so much on their caring instincts that they aren't able to recognise a threat against their own lives. Then and <i>only then</i> the alpha voice should be used. Unless an omega fully consented to something else, obviously."</p><p>Alec looks at the other man and nods, but the movement looks tired. "It's great that this is how you see it. But unfortunately, that's not how our world works. Even my coworkers can't keep themselves from using the alpha voice sometimes when they realise what I am. They learn to hold back through extended ichor duty, though," he chuckles, but there is no mirth in the sound.</p><p>"And that's exactly why your secret is safe with me," Magnus says matter-of-factly. </p><p>"Warlock Bane ..."</p><p>"Please, call me Magnus," the alpha interrupts him and the shadowhunter gives him a lopsided smile.</p><p>"Thank you, Magnus," he simply says. He has no reason to trust the warlock, but he does it anyway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fairy tales and dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back in the Institute Izzy pulls Alec into an alcove. "What are you gonna do now?" she asks softly, her hand brushing soothingly over his arm, her scent warm and calming on his nerves.</p><p>"Nothing. The warlock promised to keep my secret," Alec whispers, checking if anyone might be listening in.</p><p>Izzy furrows her brow. "And you trust him?"</p><p>"Yes. Yes, I do. What do I have to lose anyway?" Alec shrugs his shoulders. </p><p>Izzy folds her arms, gives her brother a stern look, and tips her head to the side. "Possibly your life, Alec. You could be taken hostage and worse. I don't think, I can ignore the danger you're in when we're out in the field."</p><p>Alec groans exasperatedly. "Izzy, you didn't worry before, you don't need to now," he scowls.</p><p>"What makes you think I don't worry. I worry about you all the time," Izzy says, her brow knitted together in sorrow.</p><p>"Because I'm an omega?" Alec spits out. He knows that his sister isn't one of <i>those</i> alphas, but still, her words make bile climb up his throat. He needs to go to the training room. He needs to punch something. So much for nonviolence as an omega virtue.</p><p>"No, not because you are an omega, but because you are my big brother who has a propensity towards self-sacrifice. I love you, hermano, I don't want you to get hurt."</p><p>Alec sighs softly. "I won't. I promise. Listen, Iz, Magnus said ..."</p><p>"Magnus, huh?" She raises an amused eyebrow. Alec groans and rolls his eyes, but heat crawls up his neck and colours his cheeks. "Oh." Izzy's eyes widen and a grin grows on her face. "Is that why you went into heat? Is he ... your true mate?"</p><p>Alec sighs sharply. She said it. <i>Damn it.</i> He takes a step back and raises his hand. "Izzy, I don't have time for this," he says, turns around and starts walking away from her. But his sister's high heels clack on the floor behind him.</p><p>"You can't run away from your biology, Alec."</p><p>"Watch me," he says, making a beeline for the punching bag. Izzy stops his first blow. Alec always admired her strength that lived in the petite body of hers. But right now, it just annoys him, even well knowing that he wasn't giving it all.</p><p>"If you need to punch something, at least protect your hands, big brother. You promised me to not get hurt. That includes you hurting yourself," she says in a voice that defies any refutation.</p><p>Alec rolls his eyes but lets her bandage his hands nonetheless. She smiles at him. "I'm so happy for you. Magnus is a good man. I only heard positive things about him in the downworld."</p><p>Alec chuckles. "Not so much from mum and dad, huh?" She shakes her head no, still grinning. "I think we can wait until the end of time for that to be happening," she says.</p><p>"Yeah," Alec replies and his face falls. "And that's why I need to forget him."</p><p>Izzy stops in the middle of her movement. "No. You could develop pining sickness. That's dangerous, Alec."</p><p>"That's not gonna happen. He hasn't scented me. As long as he doesn't know that I am his true mate, nothing will change." There is a sad echo of something like a sob in his brain, a ghost of what his inner omega once has been. He tries to ignore it. Izzy looks at him with clear pity and he can't stand it. "Look, Izzy, I can't mate, not ever. It's not even about him."</p><p>"I know that you put it in your stubborn head that you'll stay unmated for the rest of your life. I don't think that's healthy, but your body, your choice. Still, what about him? He probably waited for his true mate for centuries now and he will wait for the rest of his life. Alec, are you really sure that you want to take this away from him?"</p><p>Alec's shoulders drop. He didn't give Magnus a single thought in all of this. Do immortals even wait for their true mate? Do they have several, one for every human lifespan? It doesn't matter. What is he supposed to do? Saying <i>Hey, I guess I'm your true mate. Don't bother waiting for me. Smell you later</i>? He sighs. This is such a mess.</p><p>"I don't know what to do. But if he really waited that long, a few more days until I have figured it out, won't kill him."</p><p>Izzy breathes out audibly. "Okay, Alec. But don't wait too long. You'd be so much happier if you didn't overthink everything." Alec chuckles. His little sister knows him too well.</p><p>A week goes by, then two, then three. Alec tries not to think of the man who might be his true mate. True mates belong in fairy tales and those are for little children and naive omegas only, not for a demon-slaying shadowhunter like him.</p><p>But his dreams have a mind of their own. They torture him with images of warm chocolate eyes and nostrils full of the scent that speaks of mate, love, and home. There are arms holding him tenderly and murmured words of <i>my lovely omega</i> and <i>so perfect for me</i>, said in a warm voice with a beautiful manner of forming the syllables, each rolling off softly from his tongue. </p><p>The dreams become more and more intense the days leading up to his next heat. They seem to wake up his inner omega slowly. The morning before Alec commits himself to the infirmary, he wakes up surrounded by a soft wall of blankets that he built in his sleep. </p><p>He rips them off his bed angrily and tosses them into the closet. He is not that kind of omega. He doesn't need a fucking nest! He pushes his inner omega to the back of his mind and then he goes to get rid of its remains with a good three-day long sleep on propofol.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Rise and scent</h2></a>
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    <p>Alec slips in and out of the remnants of the narcosis. He hears the beeping of the monitor and feels sleep still heavy on his eyelids. He wonders why his limbs aren't as sore as usual. Yes, he's still worn out, but something is different. He's too tired to think about it though and dives back into sleep.</p><p>He wakes up again to a low, possessive growl. "It's okay, alpha. I just need to check his vitals and change the IV bottle. You can scent me. I have no ill intentions." Alec recognises the voice of the handsome omega nurse that always slips him a piece of homemade fudge whenever he's on duty when Alec wakes up from his heat. Maybe he should ask him out someday. It's not like he wants to die a virgin.</p><p>The growl has stopped and he feels a tug on his vein catheter. Andrew is changing the saline solution as it seems. Alec is a second from sliding back to sleep when his nose catches the scent of a bonfire burning with vigour. No alpha in the entire Institute has this component in his scent.</p><p>Alec feels his heart speeding up. That must be an olfactoric hallucination for sure. Nobody would let a warlock into the infirmary, only in the case of a mission gone wrong badly. What if one of his siblings is injured? Alec's eyes shoot open, the focus still not fully back on track. He sees the form of a man straightening in the chair next to his bed. The alpha bends over him.</p><p>"There you are, Alexander," a warm baritone says. "My precious omega."</p><p>Alec wants to get away from the source of these words, wants to get rid of the sweetness floating around him that is reaching out to the scent emanating from the other man. But he can't move. Can he? He must. But he can't. He writhes in his hospital bed. By the angels, this is frustrating!</p><p>"What is it? Are you in pain?" Alec can't answer. His throat is dry as the desert. "Is he in pain?" the same voice asks, this time more forcefully. There's no hint of alpha voice in it, though. Alec can't help but admire the restraint of his mate. <i>His what?!</i></p><p>"No. Not more than a little soreness. We have his cocktail perfected over the years," Andrew says and Alec tries to get a noseful of his scent. He likes the nurse's white chocolate covered candied orange with lavender. But he can't smell him over his own scent and the bonfire still burning above him.</p><p>"How long is he going through this procedure, Andrew?" Magnus asks and Alec's insides melt to a warm, gooey puddle. His alpha takes time to learn an omega's name and he cares for him. If Alec wasn't still half sedated, he would be disgusted by his own instinctual reactions. But his inner omega slips through the anaesthesia induced cracks in his defences and rebuilds himself through the primal connection to his true mate.</p><p>"It's his seventh year now. Should be something like his 70th cycle on propofol. He used suppressants for some time, but they didn't work for him," Andrew explains.</p><p>There is this growl again, more aggressive than before, and this time it lights up all of Alec's neural pathways. He sits up in his bed and pulls the head hovering above him into the crook of his neck. The alpha makes a noise of surprise but goes without resistance. He takes a deep breath and the growling subsides immediately. It takes a moment until Alec fully realises what he is doing. He lets go of the alpha as if he touched a hotplate and sinks back into his bed. "Sorry, Magnus," he croaks. </p><p>The warlock shakes his head as if to clear it from a daze - he most likely does, omega pheromones can be a hell of a drug if not controlled tightly - then he smiles down at him. "You've got nothing to apologise for, Alexander." He softly brushes the hair out of Alec's eyes and the omega lets him. So close the shadowhunter can't escape the power of Magnus' scent. It's rich and seems to sink into his bones. Is that why he doesn't feel like crap as he usually does?</p><p>"Why are you here?" Alec asks in a tiny voice and he hates the sound of it, so meek and small, everything that he isn't. </p><p>"Two days ago I came to the Institute to strengthen the wards. Isabelle wanted to have my advice on something. When we passed the infirmary, I caught the most enticing scent I ever smelt. It led me to you, my sleeping beauty." Magnus smiles warmly down at him. "After a few ... discussions ...," Andrew snickers at the choice of word - he wouldn't call Maryse's yelling a 'discussion', "... Isabelle could convince your parents that I am your true mate. Your doctor approved to let me stay by your side. Your parents weren't amused, but they faltered when your doctor mentioned that you could develop pining sickness now that we are mated through a scent bond."</p><p>"We are what?!" Alec shuffles back in his bed. "No! No! No! Forget it! I'm not your mate. Never will be." </p><p>Magnus pulls back, physical pain written into the features of his face. Alec's inner omega yowls. <i>Mate. Rejection. Comfort.</i> "Shut up!" Alec growls and presses his hands to both ears as if that could tune out the voice inside of his head. <i>Mate. Rejection. Comfort. Mate. Rejection. Comfort. Mate. Rejection. Comfort.</i> It drives him crazy. "Make it stop," he growls in Andrew's direction. Omegas usually don't growl, but this one obviously does.</p><p>"I can't. Only you can. You need to comfort your mate," Andrew says softly. Why does he know what is happening inside of his head? Oh, right. Magnus is sitting on the floor, pallid and in a stupor. Andrew removes the IV and gently pushes Alec off the bed. The shadowhunter sinks to his knees, his hands hovering in the space between them.</p><p>"I don't know what to do," Alec murmurs. </p><p>"Touch will help him," Andrew explains soft-spoken. Alec looks doubtfully at the other omega but cups the alpha's cheeks with both hands nonetheless.</p><p>"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," Alec whispers. The voice in his head fades slowly, but it is still audible. "Come here and scent me," Alec says quietly, rubbing his wrists over Magnus' cheeks. Andrew wonders, if he is even aware that he is scent marking the alpha. Intended or not, it works. Magnus' stiff body relaxes and he sinks into Alec's arms, his nose brushing over the scent gland next to Alec's shoulder.</p><p>The shadowhunter's inner omega calms down fully at the contact. It purrs. No, that's not right. It's Alec himself. He purrs for the first time in his life. He should hate it. It's so omegan. But with his mate safely folded into his arms and the mingling scent of campfire and melted marshmallows surrounding them, he decides to not care. At least for now.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The bitter pill</h2></a>
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    <p>"What would be your medical advice if we both were nephilim?" Alec asks, his voice clinical.</p><p>Dr Lovelace, an old family friend, turns his look to Maryse who is standing behind her desk, arms folded over her chest. "Then I would recommend immediate courtship and mating in a timely manner."</p><p>Alec nods. "And your advice is different because ...?"</p><p>Maryse breathes out sharply. "Alec, you know fine well why."</p><p>Alec isn't sure why he asked. He doesn't even want the shadowhunter version. Why is he fighting them? They have his best interests at heart and now with a clear head and his inner omega pushed back where it belongs, he should be able to see this rationally. He can take the pills and after ten days of flu-like symptoms the whole thing will be over.</p><p>He just can't get Magnus' face out of his head. The memory makes Alec's heart clench violently and it's difficult to breathe. Just an hour ago Magnus argued for their bond to be kept as it is and asked Maryse for the permission to court Alec, everything with a firm voice, his posture straight, emanating power. That was until he met Alec's eyes. Whatever he saw in them had stolen the alpha's thunder and the warlock stopped arguing. He only asked to talk with Alec later in private.</p><p>Alec is convinced that Magnus will move on when they are no longer bonded. He will realise that courtship was a bad idea, just pheromone induced craziness. Magnus is hundreds of years old. Why would he be so stupid to mate a shadowhunter? No alpha wants a mate like Alec anyway, not really. That much the omega knows. He went on enough blind dates - thanks to his parents -  to not being able to ignore it. And he himself doesn't want a mate either, Alec reminds himself. </p><p>The young shadowhunter takes the little pill bottle from the doctor's hand. His mother looks at him approvingly. "Remember that you can't see your mate again after you took the medication. The scent bond will form anew whenever you are in close proximity. Your scents are just too complementary. I have never seen anything like this in forty years of medical practice," Dr Lovelace cautions him.</p><p>Alec frowns. "Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn. When I'm the Head of the Institute, I can't do my job without crossing paths with him now and then," he argues.</p><p>"That won't be a problem, Alec," his mother intervenes sharply. "You will come with us to Idris. Jace will take over as Head two weeks from now. Until then, you stay at the Institute."</p><p>Alec looks at her in shock. "Me going to Idris was <i>never</i> on the table, mother. What am I even meant to do there?"</p><p>Maryse looks at him sternly. "We'll find you a position as an assistant until you are mated to a shadowhunter from a respected family. We might have to widen the criteria of our search. A mate of your age will be impossible to find now, but your good looks will hopefully let someone more mature see past your demeanour."</p><p>"My demeanour?" Alec asks, clenching his fists, barely containing his anger. </p><p>"No alpha over fifty wants an opinionated omega, Alec. I know it is my fault that I allowed you to live like this. If I had known of this <i>complication</i>, I would have never let it happen. It's time to reverse what is possible and make you a proper, mateable omega. You'll stop your training, the use of scent blockers, and any gender disguising medication with immediate effect. This is an order," she says, seeing Alec's will to protest clearly in his face.</p><p>"When you were under, I searched for a tutor for omega etiquette to teach you as soon as we arrive back in Alicante. You will learn everything you need about how to run the house and serve your alpha to bring honour to our family. I expect you to be thorough in your studies and to follow my orders to a T. Do you understand me?"</p><p>Alec nods, but his thoughts are all over the place. Everything he worked so hard for in the last ten years, it counts for nothing. He's back to square one, like on the day of his presenting. No, even worse. This time he has no options left. There are no choices to be made. His fate is sealed.</p><p>His desolation shows in his scent, a disgusting mix of rotten flowers and mouldy cookies. Alec never learnt to control his scent, using blockers all the time. Now he wishes he had. "Don't stink up my office, Alec. Go to your room and take your first dose. Use the scent-proof rune and stay there. Only leave for food, but go in the off-hours. I don't want you to distract any alphas. I expect a report after you finished the treatment," Maryse's sharp voice cuts through his thoughts.</p><p>"Yes, mother," the omega says and leaves the room. Outside he leans a hand to the wall and tries to steady his breathing. He clenches his fist and punches into the wood panelling. Why did Izzy do this to him? Couldn't she see what a dangerous game she was playing? He knows it came from a place of love, but it wasn't her decision to make. Alphas and their entitlement mentality. <i>Fuck them all.</i></p><p>His whole world is dissolving, while the bond to his true mate is still buzzing underneath his skin. It's a warm feeling and it calms his anger enough to clear his head. Alec wonders if Magnus experiences the same. He can't feel him, not like Jace at least, but that's likely due to the nature of their bond.</p><p>Magnus. He should go and find him, have the talk he was promised. But a small part of his brain tells him that this isn't helpful, it is dangerous even. The warlock is powerful. What if he just kidnaps him? Somehow this possibility doesn't frighten Alec. At least not as much as the prospect of a mate most likely double if not triple his age. The sheer thought of a collar around his neck and an apron around his waist makes Alec's gut turn into knots. At least he and Magnus are compatible. There is no guarantee that Alec would even like a shadowhunter mate's scent. Judging by his mother's tone, he doubts that he'd have a say in all this. He is a problem to be solved. Nothing more, nothing less.</p><p>He walks into his room, draws the rune on the door, and puts the pill bottle on his nightstand. He fills a glass with water and sits down on his bed. Alec cradles the little bottle in the palm of his hand for a very long time. He wants to be a good son. That's what he always wanted to be. That's why he did everything in his power to correct what nature got wrong.</p><p>He fought so hard and for what? For being bound to a man he doesn't know, playing homemaker, being knocked up until his body gives out? He knows that his own generation isn't treating omegas like that anymore. But his mother is right. Alphas of his age are less likely to bond with someone who met his true mate. Nobody wants to go through that kind of heartache.</p><p>Where is Magnus anyway? Is he still in the Institute or did he go home? What will his treatment look like? What if he suffers? The warlock did nothing wrong. Andrew told Alec that the alpha was very respectful, never touched him. It kind of comforts Alec that his mate is so considerate. Magnus just had the bad luck to be paired with a shadowhunter. Fucking fate! He should at least say goodbye to him, check if he's alright. Then he will take the first pill. Before he can stop himself, he throws the bottle on his bed and steps out of his room.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Options</h2></a>
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    <p>Alec finds himself in front of one of the smaller conference rooms. He doesn't know why his feet carried him there until he smells a familiar scent, even when the sandalwood seems to char. He pushes the door open. On the other side, he finds Magnus slumped on a chair and a female omega bending over him, scanning his body with magic. She looks strangely familiar, but Alec can't place her.</p><p>"Hey," he says quietly, attracting attention to himself.</p><p>"Alec," Magnus croaks. "You came back." The alpha looks tired, but a small smile grows on his lips. <i>Very kissable lips</i>, Alec's mind helpfully supplies.</p><p>The woman - is she the blue warlock from Magnus' vision? - walks in Alec's direction and blocks his way. "What are your intentions? I won't let you hurt my friend more than you already did," she says firmly.</p><p>"Catarina," Magnus chides her.</p><p>"Your bond is stretched short of rupturing, my friend. I won't let you die because of him," she retorts.</p><p>Alec blanches. "Die? What are you talking about? He just needs to dissolve the bond. He's immortal."</p><p>"Of course nephilim don't teach that in school," she sighs and rolls her eyes. "When an immortal mates with a mortal, even through a scent bond, they give part of their immortality to their mate. If the bond is strong, they just share this attribute and can be together for eternity. But if the mortal rejects the bond ... Let's say, it can backfire," Catarina explains and Alec can smell fear in her scent.</p><p>"So, you're saying, I'm gonna kill him when I take the pills? The doctor said the dissolution only takes ten days and then we're good." Magnus' smile falters, any warmth glides off his face. He looks as pale as when Alec rejected him in the infirmary. There is so much sadness, so much shattered hope in the warlock's eyes.</p><p>"It is possible," Catarina says, her voice and scent purposefully soothing now. Alec isn't sure if it is for his benefit or Magnus'. Maybe both. The omega warlock doesn't seem to be unkind, just fierce on behalf of her friend. She's like Alec in this regard. He would do anything to protect his siblings and the people under his command.</p><p>Catarina's features soften a little. "Both sides of your bond would need additional treatment to bring back the part of him that lives inside your soul now. I could help with that, but it requires magic that can't be accessed in the walls of this Institute."</p><p>"Aren't scent bonds more fragile? Can't we just wait until it fades away?" Alec asks, remembering some of the lectures he had in biology.</p><p>Cat swallows. "Of course, we can do that if you want to. But you bonded without touch. That's very rare. It only happens to true mates. Destiny doesn't like to be toyed with. It's stronger than a common scent bond. We need to do this in a way that your inner alpha and omega don't see this as rejection. Pining sickness can be lethal for true mates. We would have to separate you gradually under medical supervision, bringing more and more distance between you two until the bond resolves itself. It could take a month or longer."</p><p>"But I'm moving to Idris in two weeks," Alec murmurs. He doesn't want to hurt Magnus, but he can't exactly stay either.</p><p>"Why are you leaving?" Magnus asks and the sound of his voice - fragile and broken - feels like a deep cut inside of Alec's heart, unreachable for any iratze.</p><p>"I'm ordered to by my mother. I will live there, at least until I'm mated to a shadowhunter," Alec replies, his voice foreign to his own ears. He can't meet Magnus' eyes.</p><p>"Did she use her alpha voice on you?" Cat asks sympathetically, but Alec shakes his head no.</p><p>Magnus clears his throat and straightens himself as if to find strength through posture. "I'd understand if you wanted to follow your mother's orders. But in case you don't want to, she can't do anything about it right now."</p><p>"Of course she can. She's my alpha," Alec objects.</p><p>Catarina shakes her head. "Biologically and therefore by law - as long as you two are scent bonded, Magnus is your alpha. I know that the whole concept is terrible and outdated, but you could use it to your advantage," she explains. "You could decide for yourself if and when you want to dissolve the bond. And all in the safest way possible without the risk of one or both of you getting hurt."</p><p>Alec lets the information sink in. He is between a rock and a hard place. If he stays, he'll have to break the bond, endangering their health. And even if it goes well, he'll leave for Idris and will be mated off to a complete stranger without his consent.</p><p>If he goes with Magnus on the other hand, there is a chance that the warlock will treat him decently. Or - worst case scenario  - he ends up mated to a nearly stranger, also without his consent.</p><p>For a short moment he thinks about leaving on his own, but that's not really an option. He would be fair game for every alpha he crosses path with. Ice-cold spikes of fear are tormenting his lungs at the sheer thought of what might happen to him.</p><p>The silence stretches long until Magnus breaks it. "You're worried that I might force you." Alec raises his eyes to meet the warlock's and nods barely visible. "I would <i>never</i> do that to you, Alec, or make you do something you're not willing to give freely. All I want is to offer you protection and a home as long as you want to. I will respect every decision you make for yourself. That promise I can give you. I know that I can't take away the fear, unless I can prove myself to you," Magnus speaks softly.</p><p>"Yeah," Alec murmurs.</p><p>Catarina gives him a tired smile. "I know that you are scared. And as a nurse and with centuries worth of experience being an omega, believe me, I know what you are risking, no matter what you decide. I can only tell you that Magnus hasn't used his alpha voice since he saved me from the stake. And he knows I would kick his ass if he ever would."</p><p>That elicits a little chuckle from Alec, but it doesn't make the knots in his stomach disappear. "I can't decide this right now. I need time to think," Alec says, brushing his hand over his face. </p><p>"I understand," Magnus says, warmth emanating from his voice. "What if I give you my number and you'll let us know when you made a decision?" he offers.</p><p>"Sounds good," Alec croaks, feeling the heaviness of what lies ahead of him.</p><p>Magnus rises from his chair, leaves his card on the table, and walks to the door. "I just want you to be happy, Alec," he says, doorhandle in hand.</p><p>"Happiness isn't in my cards, Magnus. I am a shadowhunter. I follow my duty. And I am an omega. It's not as if I have a real choice. From my perspective, it's choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea. I hear what you two are telling me ... I can scent that you mean it. And Magnus, I feel our bond buzzing through my veins, but all I can think of is that I didn't choose this, it's happening to me and that rubs me the wrong way."</p><p>Magnus nods. "I know as an alpha I will never fully understand what it feels like to be in your position. All I can do is offer you an option. I see why it is difficult for you. It's terrible that it happened this way. I would like to help you to make the best of it."</p><p>He gives Alec a last long look and leaves. Catarina moves closer to Alec and squeezes his arm. "I know that my opinion is biased, but Magnus is a good man, a good alpha. He would treat you well. And finding your true mate is so rare. It's a miracle, not a curse."</p><p>Then she nods at him with a soft smile and follows her friend. Alec waits a few minutes and then goes back to his room where he stares at the pill bottle and contemplates his options.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The decision</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you, penguin, for the story art for this chapter. 😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <a href="https://ibb.co/nQdH5yY"></a>
  
</p><p>One good thing about being on Maryse Lightwood's a-pain-in-the-backside list is that she tries to avoid an encounter with you like the devil holy water. Alec knows that she won't check on him for several days, maybe even the full ten his treatment is supposed to last. As long as he doesn't accidentally run into her, he is going to be fine, no matter which way this will go.</p><p>He ponders for hours and hours, playing back every single conversation he had today and with Magnus in general. He's fully aware that in the conference room Magnus tried his best not to influence him with his scent, staying seated on the far side away from him. He even refrained from calling him 'Alexander' as he did before. 'Alec' just sounded wrong in his ears, though. It's the strangest thing. He misses the alpha. It's like a longing deep inside of him. Maybe it's the bond. But without being in Magnus' gravity, it still feels good and right, even with no pheromones clouding his brain.</p><p>Alec takes his phone and looks for information about true mates. It's a rare, but well-researched phenomenon. The studies are all about mundanes, of course, but basic human and nephilim biology is the same. What he reads is pretty positive. Well, unless the mates are forcefully separated that is. Catarina didn't lie. People died because they were taken away from their mates. Alec wonders if his mother and Dr Lovelace don't know about this or if they just care so little.</p><p>His new knowledge gives him even more food for thought. He imagines never seeing Magnus again and the mere thought makes him nauseated. But pondering about going to Idris just makes him angry. He will never be happy there. He can't revert to something he never was in the first place and he doesn't want to change beyond recognition just to live a miserable life. </p><p>His muscles aren't setting him apart from the cliché omega. It's his mindset. It's his willingness to create a niche in which he can exist as himself despite all the limitations society and biology throw at him. It's his morale and perseverance. He won't let anybody take this away from him. Not without trying to save himself first. Yes, maybe he's walking right into a trap, but at least he himself decides to take the step.</p><p>There are only two people he wants to inform in the Institute and those will understand, will cover for him. He wishes he could say goodbye to Izzy and Jace in a proper way. But it is too big of a risk and he doesn't want to put them in danger. A very selfish part of him also wants to avoid the pain. His anger towards Izzy has simmered down but is still slow-burning in his heart. The fire still has given way to sadness. He knows, she will never forgive herself for what she did to him. Maybe one day he will. But that's a problem for another time. Now he needs to focus on different things.</p><p>Alec packs a duffle bag with his most important belongings. He tries not to think too hard about the fact that his whole life fits into a single bag: his patrol and training gear, a photograph of all four siblings from when they visited Max in the Mumbai Institute last summer, the teddy bear that he snuggled with as a toddler, the replica of the family ring that he received at his rune ceremony.</p><p>If it weren't so dangerous to get them, he would add his bow and quiver as well. Alec looks at his bookshelf and reaches for a leather-bound book with fairy tales. He always read from it when he put his younger siblings to bed. Even Jace listened every night when he became part of the family. Alec grabs the little stock of pills and scent blockers he has left and throws them into the bag with his toiletries. That's it. He puts the duffle bag in his closet, in case anyone will visit him until night falls. It's unlikely. Izzy and Jace are training the recruits and will be on patrol later.</p><p>Alec will use the middle of their shift to sneak out of the Institute. The shadowhunters who are finished for the night will be in their quarters, the rest busy in the op centre or out in the field. It will be the best time to escape. He's nervous, but he doesn't doubt himself.</p><p>When the time has come, he sprays himself with scent blockers, activates his runes, and slips into his leather jacket. He puts his stele in the pocket of his jeans and the dagger that he, fortunately, had forgotten to return to the armoury into the holster hidden underneath his clothes.</p><p>He sneaks out of his room, takes some unfrequented side corridors to a balcony, and finally jumps into his new life. He sends Magnus a text with his location and a message to his two siblings, explaining why he needs to leave and that he is going to a safe place. He's pretty sure they will know where to find him. A portal opens in front of him, coloured like a promise of a golden future and Alec takes a deep breath before stepping through it.</p><p>He walks out onto Magnus' balcony where the warlock is nursing a glass of whisky. He looks a little better than all these hours ago, but tense nonetheless. That's to be expected. His may-be-mate is practically moving in with him. They barely know each other and without pressure from his family, Alec wouldn't have taken this step.</p><p>Magnus pushes himself off the balustrade. "Hello, Alec. I'm happy that you made it safely out of the Institute. I was worried sick." The shadowhunter just stands there in silence, the bag still in hand. "Did you have dinner?" Magnus inquires. </p><p>"No. I didn't want to bump into anybody," Alec replies.</p><p>Magnus nods. "Okay, I can conjure you something. Or do you want to see your room first?"</p><p>"Yeah, I should put my stuff away," he answers. This is so weird. He feels calmer just being in the same space as Magnus. It shouldn't be so easy, right? Or was this the warlock's plan all along? Bringing him into his lair and letting his scent do the rest? <i>It's only chemicals</i>, Alec reminds himself. If need be, he will spend time in his room or out on the balcony where the fresh air dilutes every scent. He isn't a slave to his biology. He proved that time and time again.</p><p>Magnus leads him to the guest room that Alec knows from the day of the demon summoning. It's where Clary recovered after the ritual. It smells nearly neutral. "There are pillows and soft blankets in the closet. If you need anything else, just tell me," Magnus offers.</p><p>Alec nods. What he really needs, Magnus can't give him. He wants to go back to his old life again. But that isn't an option. He will have to think about a future without being a shadowhunter. Maybe he will build a mundane life. He just needs to find a way to stay under the radar.</p><p>Alec puts his clothes into the dresser, the photograph finds a place on the bedside table together with the storybook. The pill bottles disappear in the nightstand with the blockers and the teddy lands on the canopy bed. He feels a little self-conscious with Magnus leaning in the door, but he figures the warlock just wants to know what he brought into his home. That's just fair. Magnus rides for a fall as well. If anything were to happen to Alec under his guard, it could be used against him and the Clave isn't known to be very forgiving with downworlders.</p><p>At last Alec takes out the little box with the Lightwood ring and places it on top of the drawer. "Family heirloom?" Magnus asks.</p><p>"Not the real thing. That will go to Izzy, I guess," he answers, clenching his jaws.</p><p>"If you plan to wear it, I could use it for an anti-tracking spell. I suppose you will want to leave the loft now and then. You're safe behind my wards, but as soon as you step outside, your family and the Clave run a chance to find you."</p><p>Alec nods. "You're right. Thank you. Nobody will be able to track me?" he asks.</p><p>"Nobody, whenever it touches your skin. Not even me, if that's what you're really asking," Magnus replies with a sad smile. Alec's cheeks turn crimson. "You are not my prisoner, Alec. You are free to leave anytime. You should warn me though if you plan to move out. I don't want you to get hurt through breaking the bond without assistance."</p><p>Alec chuckles without mirth. "You mean, you don't want to die."</p><p>Magnus presses his lips to a thin line. "I do understand why you think that this might be my biggest concern. I hope we get to know each other well enough that you realise how wrong you are."</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Night and morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Penguin made such a cute banner for chapter 8. Check it out. 😊</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner is a quiet affair and Alec retires to his room early, but sleep eludes him. What is he meant to do now? He is the guest of a stranger, a downworlder, his true mate. One of these facts alone should send him spiralling big time, and it kinda does, but not in a way, Alec is used to.</p><p>Until today his personal mission was clear: Be a good son, follow orders, don't act like a wimpy omega. Well, all that went out of the window when he jumped off the balcony. Nothing is clear anymore. He thinks about Magnus' promise that his life needn't change just because he accepts his second gender. What a joke. He hasn't even properly <i>thought</i> about taking this step and he's already screwed big time because of it.</p><p>He lost his identity today, his family, his career, his life as he knows it. He is routine, he is fighting, he is good at those things. He doesn't know what it means to be just himself. But maybe that's not what Magnus expects from him anyway. He knows the warlock's reputation. He's not naive. But the alpha's eyes were so soft all evening. Alec hates that he looked at them long enough to see it.</p><p>He really has to strengthen his defences. He can't go soft on a man who could literally order him around and make his life a misery. With his stomach in knots, Alec truly realises what Catarina so soft-spoken told him a few hours ago. Magnus is his alpha now. It doesn't matter if Alec even truly wants that and isn't that the fucking worst.</p><p>That's why he hates being an omega. Everything in his biology makes him obey an alpha voice, no matter how hard he trains, studies or ignores every other omega instinct there is. Unless he has a mating bite, every alpha can make him do things, he'd rather not. And because of that, society just assumes that he needs an alpha to defend him, to own his sorry ass. First his mother, now a man he barely knows, just because their scents are terribly perfect paired together. What a joke!</p><p>Alec thinks of the omegas he met back in Idris, collared, eyes on the floor, one step behind their alphas. Granted, they were all of his parents' generation and older. Maybe going to Alicante and being mated off wouldn't have been that bad. Maybe his parents would have found him a proper mate, someone who could handle him the way he is, maybe even respect him for exactly that. But they tried that before without success, so there's that.</p><p>Alec groans. His thoughts are a mess. He needs comfort. Magnus' scent lingers hazily in the sheets, but it's not strong enough to really calm him down. The mattress is so soft and the blanket caresses his skin. It's comfy as he never experienced before and it's kind of unsettling that he likes it so much. <i>So omegan</i>, he scolds himself. But it faintly smells like mate and home and a part of him yearns for that. <i>Argh.</i></p><p>He needs to find a way to train, maybe ask Magnus for a bow, and hold him to his word to go demon hunting with him. No, that won't work without his special arrows. <i>Argh.</i> Well then, let the alpha prove himself to him in other ways. And he needs to show Magnus that he is his own man, not an easily impressed omega. With that thought, he finally slides into a dreamless sleep.</p><p>Alec wakes up to a stream of voice mails from a shocked Jace and an apologetic Izzy. Both are devastated, but understanding. Hearing their voices, tear-soaked and emotional, Alec struggles to keep it together. But it's way too early to let himself give into grief. There will be a time to sort through all his conflicting emotions, but not now.</p><p>The loft is silent and Magnus is still sleeping when Alec leaves his room in the early hours. He walks out on the balcony where the cool night air still lingers. He takes a deep breath. <i>Yeah, that's better.</i> But it's still too cold outside and he goes back to the living room. He doesn't need a lot of space for what he's going to do.</p><p>He starts a bodyweight exercise routine. It's not his favourite, but what has to be done, has to be done. Ending his workout with yoga to stretch his muscles, Alec is startled when he suddenly smells the alpha before he sees him standing in the hallway. Magnus' scent is different than usual, the orchid more prominent in the air. Now in the foreground, Alec can smell the details of the flower - jasmine, caramel, and butterscotch.</p><p>Despite himself he inhales deeply, trying to cover it up as breathing into his pose. Alec feels a little dizzy and wonders what the changed scent might mean. He hates that he can't read the alpha properly.</p><p>"Good morning, Alexander. I hope you had a restful night," Magnus says, looking rather tired out himself. Alec gives him a half-smile.</p><p>"Too good. I overslept two hours," he replies, not stopping his routine, and Magnus frowns. It's only half-past 8 and Alec obviously trained for a while already.</p><p>"Is that a shadowhunter thing, getting up in the middle of the night?" the warlock asks, settling down in one of the armchairs, conjuring a cup of coffee into his hands.</p><p>Alec laughs. "Unless I have the late-night shift, I always get two hours of training in before everyone else rises. Helps me to keep a steady rhythm. That's better for omegas." He makes an annoyed face. "I need to train harder to achieve the same results anyway. Stupid omega hormones."</p><p>Magnus sighs. "I really wished you wouldn't talk your own gender down. Omega hormones aren't stupid. They keep you healthy. "</p><p>"As I see it, they are shackles, holding me back," Alec says, grunting into the hurtful stretch of his trapezius. Magnus looks saddened but doesn't try to argue. He is not the one who has to live in a world that wasn't created for him, at least not genderwise.</p><p>He watches Alec's movements, the sweetness in his scent becoming more and more intense. So much so that Alec decides to end his training, fearing that his own scent might show a reaction. He really has to learn to control it. He towels the sweat off his face and his arms. His muscle shirt is clinging to his torso and he just realises how gross he must look like.</p><p>But Magnus doesn't seem to mind, judging by the look on his face. His eyes are glazed over with something that might be appreciation, but there is a hint of something else. Lust, maybe? Whatever it is, it makes Alec's stomach do a weird twist. He can't decide if it is a good thing or not. It's just weird. He feels relieved when Magnus shakes himself out of the staring and looks down at the coffee in his hands.</p><p>"Need a shower," Alec murmurs and walks out of the living room..</p><p>"Alec?" Magnus says when he reaches the hallway. The shadowhunter turns around, but the warlock hesitates. "Could you not use the blocker afterwards, please?"</p><p>Alec looks at him for a long moment. "Why?"</p><p>"Because," Magnus straightens himself, summoning his usual posture, "you don't need to hide any longer."</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Visitors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Alec leaves his bathroom, he hears familiar voices from the hallway, all shouting disconcertingly at each other. Dressed only in a  towel around his waist he rushes out of his bedroom.</p><p>"I'm in rut since last night and I haven't even touched him. I think, he is <i>very</i> safe with me," he hears Magnus argue.</p><p>"You're what?!" Jace yells.</p><p>Izzy shushes him. "We don't need an alpha fight here, okay, gentlemen?" She sees her brother standing in the doorway. "Oh, Alec. Great that you join us," she chirps a little too enthusiastic to be natural, and the two other alphas turn their gazes to the omega.</p><p>"Is that true? You're in rut?" Alec asks, his eyes growing impossibly wide.</p><p>"Yes, I am. I thought you smelled that earlier," Magnus replies.</p><p>Alec rubs his hand over his neck. "Umm ... I recognised a difference in your scent, but I didn't think it was rut. Normally that smells ... dangerous."</p><p>"I'm happy that it doesn't," Magnus says with a little smile adorning his lips. "What do you say we move this conversation to the living room while Alec puts on some clothes and joins us afterwards?" Magnus proposes.</p><p>Everyone agrees. </p><p>"Use your blockers, Alec. Your scent is really irritating," Jace says.</p><p>"I could say the same about yours, blondie, but I don't ask you to cover up a part of you, do I?" Magnus hisses through his teeth. </p><p>Jace's eyes grow wide. "Omega scents are triggering for alphas, you know that. And Alec can't control his. Even with Alec and I being family, it's not easy on me as we are not blood-related," he defends himself.</p><p>"That's truly the weakest alpha argument I have ever heard. I think it's time that you accept your brother for who he really is, not just the version that is easier on your nose!" Magnus spits out.</p><p>"Boys, calm down, will ya? Alec is grown up and will do what he thinks is best for him," Izzy intervenes, flashing her eldest brother an encouraging smile.</p><p>Alec gives her a thankful look and returns to his room. He opens the bedside table drawer and looks down at his medication and blocker. When he heard Magnus talk about his rut, he felt contractions in his womb. <i>Stupid hormones.</i> So he swallows a pill and uses a generous amount of scent blocker. </p><p>He won't risk teasing the alpha. He may trust Magnus more than he strictly should, but he knows how alphas in rut can get. It wouldn't be the first time for him, being pinned to the next surface with a hard cock pressed into his clothes, just because his old blockers had worn off. That's why he buys the hospital-grade stuff on the black market. He hasn't had an incident ever since.</p><p>When he joins the others, Jace sends Magnus a smug grin. Alec bumps a fist into his brother's shoulder in response. Jace gives a wince of pain and Magnus chuckles quietly.</p><p>"So, why did you come?" Alec asks.</p><p>"We wanted to check if you're okay," Izzy explains.</p><p>"I can take care of myself and you know it," Alec retorts.</p><p>"We don't worry about <i>you</i>, bro," Jace hisses and Magnus rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Mr Wayland, I can assure you that I am treating your brother with the utmost respect. I would not lay a finger on him without his consent."</p><p>"You are an unmated alpha <i>and</i> a downworlder <i>and</i> as we just learnt in rut. Excuse me that I fear for my parabatai's safety, <i>Bane</i>."</p><p>"Jace!" Alec scolds him. "Magnus offered me shelter when our mother wanted to turn me into handmaiden material."</p><p>"Yeah, and his motives are surely altruistic," Jace scoffs.</p><p>"It may seem foreign to you to help people in need, but it isn't to me. My home has always been a shelter and Alec is welcome to stay under my protection as long as he wants."</p><p>"Sure, until you lose your interest in your new little toy."</p><p>"Enough!" Alec growls.</p><p>"Why? Alec, don't you see what's happening here? He's using you. There is no love lost between him and our parents. He stole you just to spite them."</p><p>"So, you think I am property that can be stolen? I can't believe that you see me like that. He <i>invited</i> me."</p><p>"Of course you're not a thing, Alec. But you would never leave the Institute. It's your home. Yes, he invited you. Surely with a little alpha voice persuasion."</p><p>Alec huffs. "Unlike other alphas in this room, Magnus hasn't used the alpha voice on me, not even once. It was my decision after our mother forced me to make a choice. You have no idea what it is like to live at the whim of others, to not be fully your own. Magnus at least asks me what <i><b>I</b></i> want. I can't say the same of you." </p><p>Jace gasps for breath but has nothing to reply.</p><p>Izzy gives Jace a stern look that reminds Alec of their mother. But her gaze softens when she turns to him. "What <i>do</i> you want, Alec?" she asks.</p><p>"I'm not sure. At the moment I only know what I do not want. And that's going to Idris and mate a man who could be my father."</p><p>"Don't be ageist. Your 'true mate' here is older than anyone our parents could find for you," Jace teases him.</p><p>"Yes, but I age better than you shadowhunters," Magnus replies with mirth flickering in his eyes.</p><p>"Could we leave the kindergarten level, please? I'm fed up with your alpha bullshit," Alec says loudly and both Jace and Magnus look thoroughly abashed. "I am here of my free will. Magnus treats me well. As soon as I can leave his wards, I will look for a job. I won't be dependent on Magnus forever. If anything should change, if I shouldn't feel safe here anymore, I'll let you know through our parabatai bond and you have my permission to kick his ass. Are you satisfied?" </p><p>up&gt;Jace nods.</p><p>"I suppose you don't want mum and dad to know where you are," Izzy says and Alec shakes his head no. "Thought so. I bought you a new phone, data plan and all. I fear yours can be tracked. I can take it back to the Institute to erase all traces that you're here."</p><p>"Thank you, Iz," Alec says and gives her a warm smile. At least one of his siblings understands him. He thinks back to the stream of apologies she sent him last night. She knows she made a big mistake and she's trying.</p><p>"It's the least I can do after ...," she trails off. She clears her throat and asks, "Do you need anything else?"</p><p>"No. You know I don't need much, Izzy," he says and she might be wincing a little. </p><p>Magnus lays a hand on Izzy's arm to keep her from standing up. "Maybe something for your nest, Alec? You didn't bring anything for that."</p><p>Jace snorts. "Alec never had a nest. He's not a wussy."</p><p>If looks could kill, the blond would be the deadest man in the world right now. "I don't tolerate sexism in my home, young man. If you want me to allow you back into my lair, you better put a bridle on your tongue," Magnus growls resoundingly.</p><p>Hesitantly Jace bows his head as a sign of submission. "Thought so," Magnus says. "I will leave you now. I'm sure there are things you don't want to discuss in my presence."</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. In plain clothes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't want to sound rude, but can you explain to me why this man is your parabatai?" Magnus asks when they are alone again.</p><p>Alec chuckles. "He's not always like this. He's impulsive, but he's generally a good guy. We complement one another, even out each other's flaws."</p><p>Magnus is confused. "But he treats you with disrespect, can't you see that?"</p><p>"He usually takes my word at face value. He's one of very few alphas who follow my command when I lead a mission. He's just worried," Alec tries to explain, but he can see on Magnus' face that he isn't successful. </p><p>"Worry doesn't explain the way he talks about omegas in general and you specifically, though. And I guess Isabelle wasn't the one who used their alpha voice on you in the past."</p><p>"No, but he hasn't for quite some time either. He had to learn to rein in his inner alpha. It's all water under the bridge now." Alec waves his hand. He really doesn't want to think about that time. It had hurt to be on the receiving end of it, but Jace apologised and he promised to never do it again after their last big rhubarb two years ago.</p><p>"Listen, Magnus. I know he was an ass, today. I can't remember the last time he even mentioned anything omega related when I was around. He was way out of line. Thanks for standing up for me."</p><p>"It's my pleasure, Alec. But you stood up pretty well for yourself. You don't need an alpha to do that for you."</p><p>Alec nods thoughtfully. "Maybe it's time now to call out my siblings on their alpha shit. I never did before, but that might have been a mistake." Alec watches Magnus suspiciously. The alpha still seems to be inwardly fuming, but that aside he looks pretty normal. "You're really in rut? You don't look like it."</p><p>Magnus chuckles without mirth. "Any alpha who says they can't control their actions while being in rut is a liar, Alec. Is it easy? No. But I manage just fine."</p><p>"How?" the shadowhunter asks curiously.</p><p>"Do you <i>really</i> want to know?" Magnus cocks an eyebrow.</p><p>Alec's cheeks turn crimson red. "No, I guess not."</p><p>Magnus' laughter resonates deeply in Alec's chest. It's a beautiful sound and Alec wants to hear it again and again. "Oh, one moment so tough and the next so shy. I love that you show me more and more sides of yourself. You're fierce and smart, caring and thoughtful. Watching you defend yourself today was wonderful. I liked it when you put us all in our place.</p><p>"I really hope that I can warm up to your brother, but he needs to check his worldview and watch his mouth. I quite like your sister, though. Do you think she's really okay with the whole true mate thing?" He waves a hand between them.</p><p>Alec nods. "Sure. She planned it all along."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Magnus asks, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.</p><p>Alec snickers. "You think it was a coincidence that Izzy led you past the infirmary when she knew it was the only time you might be able to scent me?"</p><p>Magnus' mouth falls into a silent 'o'.</p><p>"Yes, that's my little sister for you," Alec grins. "She likes to meddle. Although I assume that she will cut back on it after what happened to me. I'm still not sure how to handle the fact that she brought me into this situation. But despite everything, it's maybe for the better. I was set to lose right from the start anyway. She's awfully sorry that she did it. She didn't think there would be so many repercussions."</p><p>Magnus' face falls. "Is that why you didn't tell me? You knew what would happen to you?"</p><p>Alec doesn't meet his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. "No, I didn't think that my parents would send me away. Not in my wildest dreams. As I already told you, mating just wasn't an option and with you being a warlock ... you aren't really ... I'm sorry. I don't have a problem with that. It's just ..."</p><p>"... I am not the son-in-law your parents dreamt of."</p><p>"Yeah." </p><p>Magnus inhales calmly. "But why your aversion toward mating? Your parents seem to be supportive enough and many people don't have kids nowadays. There surely must be shadowhunters who defy those expectations.</p><p>Alec screws up his face. "Early after my presenting, I learnt that I needed to suppress what may be deemed too omegan. So, I just looked at how male alphas and betas went through their lives and adjusted to that. It was the only way to get my parents approval.</p><p>"I think, my family nearly forgot that I'm an omega. At least they ignored it. All but Izzy. She wanted me to embrace my inner omega, but that wasn't an option for obvious reasons. If I ever mated, even with a beta, there was a chance to fall pregnant. I can't take the pill. Gives me migraines. And being with child, that would have been the end of the life I built for myself. But hey, didn't even need that to be screwed by my biology."</p><p>"Did you ever think about your second gender as something positive?" Magnus asks as if that would even be a possibility. </p><p>"No. It was always in the way. I couldn't even take stupid suppressants because they affected my muscle growth negatively."</p><p>Magnus lays his hand on Alec's forearm. "But that's exactly what I mean. Your body is so strong <i>because</i> you don't suppress your cycle. You worked with your body instead of against it, and look what you achieved."</p><p>"But it takes me out three days a month and it's more difficult to keep this level."</p><p>"Is that really so? Maybe you just need a different kind of training than alphas and betas."</p><p>"I don't know. Never thought about that," Alec mumbles.</p><p>Magnus sighs. He doesn't want to push Alec more. It's a sensitive topic after all. "So, about your sister's earlier question. What do you need? Just tell me and I get it for you."</p><p>"Magnus, that's really generous of you. But as I told my sister before - I don't need much."</p><p>Magnus hums. "I see. But <b><i>I</i></b> need you to have some things," he says matter-of-factly. </p><p>"And what would that be?" Alec asks suspiciously. If he says 'a collar', he will leave immediately. </p><p>But Magnus surprises him. "Firstly, more things of what you already have, preferably without holes and not washed-out," he grins.</p><p>Alec rolls his eyes. "My stuff is fine, Magnus. If you want to give me something - conjure me needle and thread. Now I have time to indulge in the omegan prowess of needlework."</p><p>Magnus groans. "You're really the most hardheaded omega I have ever courted."</p><p>"So that's what it is? You're courting me now? Interesting. Shouldn't there be an opening gift or something?" Alec asks grinning. He is plainly amused about the whole matter. Nobody wanted to court him before and he is pretty confident that Magnus won't either. Not if he realises what he has really gotten into.</p><p>Magnus snaps his fingers and the little box with Alec's family ring materialises in his hand. "Wanted to give it to you this morning. We worked on it all night. Whenever you want to go outside the building, wear it and it will keep you safe. Aside from the anti-tracking, we added strong protection spells against demons. This should be the most powerful jewellery in New York."</p><p>Alec stares at him with his mouth agape. "I thought this would take several days."</p><p>"Yes, it usually would. I called in some favours from fellow warlocks."</p><p>"Magnus!"</p><p>"You don't need to accept my courtship to keep the ring. It's yours either way," the warlock assures him.</p><p>"I don't know what to say," Alec whispers. </p><p>"Then don't say anything. Just think about it."</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Ghosts of the past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, you've courted before?" Alec asks conversationally at the dinner table. He knows it shouldn't bug him, but it strangely does.</p><p>Magnus chokes on a sip of red wine and coughs, trying hard to catch a breath. "Well ... yes."</p><p>Alec nods. "How often?"</p><p>"Does it matter? I never mated," Magnus says, drying his lips with a cloth napkin.</p><p>"No, it shouldn't," Alec answers. He doesn't understand why he is so miffed about it. Maybe because he has no experience and Magnus nearly blood bonded with several people before him. Of course, it's not a surprise. He's seen the photographs in Magnus' file. He doesn't kid himself for a second that the alpha hasn't shared his bed with thousands of people in the past. </p><p>But courting? That speaks of commitment, of love. How could he ever compete with that? All he can offer is an accidental scent bond and he's still not even sure if he wants to keep it, much less if he wants more.</p><p>"Why didn't you go through with it?" he asks, once more thankful that his blocker is still working. He doesn't want to know how he would be smelling without it.</p><p>Magnus' scent shifts from surprise to something sharp. Is it anger or sadness? Maybe both. "The last omega I courted was a vampiress called Camille."</p><p>"Camille Belcourt, the Head of the New York vampire clan?" Alec asks. </p><p>"Yes," Magnus replies and Alec sees a blush crawling up his neck. "We have a long history. She saved my life, literally. I held on to the picture I had painted of her for far too long. I don't know if she changed over time or if she just hid things from me because she wished to present her best self. Either way, she was unfaithful and I ended it. She expected me to accept her lovers, but I couldn't, no matter how much I loved her." He studies Alec's face carefully. "I'm sorry if that's weird."</p><p>"It's not weird. You say what you think," Alec replies. He remembers Hodge mentioning her when he talked about the necklace. "So, enchanted jewellery is your go-to as a first courting gift?"</p><p>Magnus' face scrunches unattractively and the blush on his neck deepens. "It's not ... it's not like that. The ruby was a birthday gift later on."</p><p>"Oh, she must be special if you sold your London townhouse just to get her a birthday present." Alec hates that his voice sounds petulant, but he can't help it. </p><p>"She was ... a very long time ago. But it's ancient history. Now I am here, with you."</p><p>Alec nods. "Yeah ... the most hardheaded omega you have ever courted."</p><p>Magnus sighs, but his countenance softens. "Am I allowed to court you, Alec?"</p><p>Alec's hands start trembling. He shakes his head slightly, stands up and walks to his room. He was so close to answering 'yes', but he musn't give in. His jealousy has no place, just like the impulse to accept the courtship. It's the damn loft and Magnus' scent and the alpha's kindness. Only 24 hours in and he's already falling for him.</p><p>Alec's eyes catch on something on his bedside table. It's a sewing kit. He puffs out a laugh and takes a deep breath. Something tight inside his chest eases. Magnus understands and he respects his decisions, whether he likes them or not.</p><p>Alec pulls out his phone, scrolls through the messages of his siblings. A selfie from their last patrol with #demonslayer first makes him laugh and then cry. In the privacy of his bedroom, he lets the tears fall. He hasn't even had the time to mourn what he has lost. Oh, how his life has changed in the span of a few days. A week ago he was a well respected pseudo beta and the future Head of the Institute.</p><p>Now he is an omega without a home of his own or a job, dependent on a man who wants to court him. But that's not what he worries about. He will find a new purpose and he will be able to stand on his own feet soon enough. No, what scares him is that he wants Magnus to court him. It feels right. But courtship would make him revert to being an omega for the whole world to see and he's not ready to take that step, maybe never will. He brushes his tears away and scrolls further down the notifications. He finds a message from Izzy.</p><p>
  <i>There is an acquaintance of mine. She has the sight but isn't really involved in the shadow world. She's a job adviser, might be able to help you on that front as you can be open about your past with her. Here's her number, in case you want it.</i>
</p><p>Alec lets himself fall into the mountain of cushions on his bed. He'll call her tomorrow. He needs to find a job to move out of here if he feels the need to. To keep himself from spiralling too far, he opens the web browser and searches for omega specific strength training. This is something he can do for himself right now.</p>
<hr/><p>"Do you need any equipment for your routine?" Magnus asks, standing in the open door of the balcony with a cup of morning coffee in his hand.</p><p>Alec gives him a guilty look. Are warlocks able to read minds? "What do you have?" he asks instead. </p><p>"Just some weights and a treadmill. But I can get you anything you need."</p><p>"No, that's absolutely fine. I got lost in a rabbit hole last night, researching the best training for me. You were right. There are more time-effective ways to keep my muscle mass and I should eat differently, too. I need more carbs than an alpha to keep my system running efficiently. Guess, I starved myself a bit."</p><p>Magnus hums. He already wondered how Alec managed to have a regular cycle with such a low percentage of body fat. "We'll nourish you better now. We could ask Catarina for advice if you like. I wanted to ask you anyway if you'd want a medical check-up. I got the impression that the infirmary doctors aren't well versed in omega health."</p><p>"What makes you think that?" asks Alec, furrowing his brow. </p><p>"It was something Andrew said. That they often need to adjust the medication of omegas until it works. Catarina was shocked when I told her about it. In mundane medicine, they are much more advanced, have gender-specific dosages and medication."</p><p>Magnus conjures a file and hands it to Alec. "What's that?" the shadowhunter asks frowning. </p><p>"It's a copy of your medical record. They gave it to me because I'm technically your mate." Alec's eyes grow wide. "I didn't open it, I thought it too big a breach of trust. I already overstepped in the infirmary with the questions I asked." Magnus blushes a little.</p><p>Alec chuckles. "Yeah, but any other alpha would have mounted me in that situation, reeking of heat and mating pheromones, not giving a shit about my wellbeing. So, you're forgiven. Why did you take it anyway?"</p><p>"I thought it wouldn't hurt you to have your medical data, in case you decided to come with me."</p><p>Alec nods. "That was very forward-looking. Catarina is a nurse, right?"</p><p>"Yes, but she's practising medicine for a very long time and knows more about it than the doctors working alongside her. Being a nurse, she has more time with the patients and can sneak in a little magic. She's the best healer I know, patched me up more than once. But if you want to go to a mundane doctor, we can arrange that, too."</p><p>Alec shakes his head. "No, she can look through my file and give me a check-up. If medical confidentiality is guaranteed, that is."</p><p>"But of course. Thank you," Magnus says as if Alec is doing him a favour. Maybe he does. If he's damaged good, Magnus will surely bury his plans to court him. And doesn't this thought really suck? Magnus smells the change in his scent and furrows his brow. </p><p>"Jace offered to come training with me," Alec says to divert. "Close combat and such."</p><p>Magnus accepts the change of topic without mentioning the sudden sadness in his scent. "You'll need space for that. Will the roof terrace suffice or should I create a training room?"</p><p>"You can do that?!"</p><p>"But of course. Timelords aren't the only people who can bend time and space." Alec looks at him in confusion. "Sorry, that was a pop culture reference. A favourite tv program of mine. I'll introduce you to the Doctor if you like. Back to the point: I can create as many rooms as you need."</p><p>"Wow! That's awesome. But no, thank you. The roof will be enough." Magnus nods. The alpha is always willing to give and never asks for anything in return. Alec swallows hard. "I need to apologise for my behaviour last night. I shouldn't have pried around your past. I have no right to it."</p><p>"I disagree," Magnus replies. "You have every right to get to know me. You know my intentions, Alec. But I am more than willing to turn the whole process on its head if it makes you more comfortable."</p><p>Alec leans against the balustrade. "My comfort has never been a driving force in my life. It's not easy to adjust to it," he confesses.</p><p>"I get it. I'm a lot to get used to."</p><p>Alec shakes his head. "No, you aren't. I am the one making the whole thing difficult. And I am sorry, Magnus, really. It's just ... the leopard cannot change his spots and all that."</p><p>"Do you want to tell me a bit about you?" Magnus asks softly. </p><p>"I don't know. My life isn't that interesting. I grew up in the Institute with Izzy and Max, Jace joined us when he was ten. I always took care of them, read them bedtime stories, nursed them when they were sick. My parents were busy all the time. They weren't bad parents per se, but far from perfect. It's not easy when your mother is also your commander. The strangest things make her proud.</p><p>"Everyone expected me to present as an alpha. Waking up one day, sweat-soaked and smelling like cotton candy, feeling like I was burning alive - I just wanted to die, and not in a metaphorical way. Even my father was able to scent me and it made him sick. My mother just ... panicked, I guess.</p><p>"It was Izzy and Jace who kept me hydrated and fed throughout my heat. Izzy later told me that Jace screamed at our mother to organise ... toys and stuff. He didn't know how this worked at all, but he fought for me. He stole pain killers from the infirmary, too. They were too weak, but it's the thought that counts."</p><p>Magnus looks at him with a heartbroken expression. "I'm so thankful that they helped you. Your parents on the other side - bastards!"</p><p>"Don't. They didn't know better," Alec stops him with a wave of his hand.</p><p>"They were adults!" Magnus objects. "They had resources your siblings didn't have. Your parents' supposed ignorance is no excuse."</p><p>"Most omegas go to Idris, mate early and have a ton of kids. But I didn't want to leave my family," Alec continues, ignoring Magnus' argument. It hurts to think about it too closely. "Izzy and Jace aren't that much younger than I, but they and Max - I saw them as my pups, you know. I couldn't leave them. So I decided to find a way to be able to stay. And it worked for six years. Max is now in training and the others are grown up. I think it's time to accept that I'm not needed anymore. Not like that and in no other way either."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>Alec blushes a little. "It's only fair that you know, I guess." He clears his throat. "It's not that I never wanted to be with an alpha. I just couldn't have who I wanted."</p><p>Magnus gazes at him for a long moment, then the realisation hits him. "Jace," he simply says. Alec gives him a shocked look. "That's okay, Alec. Do you still love him?"</p><p>"No, not like that. And it's not okay. He is my brother, my parabatai!"</p><p>Magnus shrugs. "You couldn't be with him because of your parabatai bond and because he's straight as a ruler. Your infatuation for him was safe. It would have never led to anything. It makes perfect sense to develop a crush on him, don't you think?"</p><p>Alec contemplates it, then shakes his head in agreement. He murmurs, "You feel safe, too, you know. And I worry about what that might mean."</p><p>Magnus smiles softly at him. "That's quite alright. One day you'll know. There's no rush. I've got time," he says and winks at him, eliciting a little chuckle from Alec. Yeah, they've got time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Faking it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What are your thoughts on forgery of documents?" Alec asks.</p><p>Magnus frowns, the croissant in his hand stopping halfway to his mouth. "As an immortal living among mundanes, I had to fake quite a lot of papers, especially in the last century. Why do you ask?"</p><p>"I called Izzy's friend, Kate, the job adviser. She said she's gonna help me, but I need to have proof of my skills and I need papers to get a social security number."</p><p>"Mmh, that shouldn't be a problem. Just tell me what exactly it is you need and I'm on it."</p><p>"I have to think about it in more detail, but I guess it doesn't hurt to have a form of ID for a start."</p><p>"Right. What is your birthday?"</p><p>"September 12, 1989," he says. "But maybe I should change that."</p><p>"You're right, in case someone tries to find you. And your name?"</p><p>"I'd like to keep my first name. I think it's common enough." </p><p>Magnus nods in agreement. "What about Alexander Novak?"</p><p>"Does the name have a meaning?"</p><p>"Yes," Magnus replies, "new man."</p><p>"How fitting," Alec chuckles. "Sounds good to me."</p><p>Magnus waves his hand and a birth certificate lands in Alec's hands. "You should acquire the rest through the regular channel. It's safer this way, in case you get into an identity check. I speak from experience. That one time in Peru, I nearly
..."</p>
<hr/><p>Alec expected to be bored with his new life, but nothing could have ever prepared him for the tediousness that is spending ages in a queue, waiting to get his driver's license. On the positive side, he went outside today and enjoys some fresh New York air and a nice stroll.</p><p>He's confident that he doesn't run into anyone he knows. Most shadowhunters stay in the Institute by day as there is barely activity because demons cannot stand the direct force of sunlight. Unless there is a special raid or task, shadowhunters train, rest or work in the op centre.</p><p> In any case, with his runes glamoured, nobody would cast an eye on him. He looks just like any other mundane and he knows from his own experience that for shadowhunters, mundanes are only a faceless mass when they are not involved in any attacks.</p><p>He is more concerned about downworlders, but they mostly stick with their kind. And it's not as if he did anything on repeat, so even if one spots him, it won't lead them to anything. As long as he's back in Magnus' loft at sundown, he's gonna be fine.</p><p>He uses the waiting time to write down every skill he has that might be good for a job (Kate's request) and what parts of his former life he misses the most and things he wants to try out (Magnus' suggestion). Okay, demon-slaying may not really be an option with his single seraph blade, although it makes it in his top five of the latter list.</p><p>Looking at both, one thing is most obvious. He has absolutely no idea what <i>he</i> likes. Not Alec the shadowhunter, but Alec the private person. The only point on the list is spending time with his siblings and if he's honest, apart from Izzy's forced heart-to-hearts most of their activities were attached to their job, like sparring with his brother or studying with his sister. It's been a long time since he cuddled them to sleep after a nightmare or watched a movie with them. With sadness he realises that in the last few years he basically <i>was</i> his job.</p><p><i>Novak</i>. Maybe Magnus is right. He needs to invent himself anew. The warlock surely did it several times himself, judging by the stories he told Alec over the past few days.</p><p>What can he do with what he knows and is capable of? Do mundanes practise archery for fun? Are there jobs, where close combat skills might be useful? Not for the first time he curses his upbringing and his parents who always looked down at downworld and mundane culture as something inferior.</p><p>Earlier Magnus suggested a visit to the movies with his siblings or to go shopping with them. Alec replied he would do no such thing before he earned his own money and Magnus rolled his eyes dramatically in response. Alec chuckles at the memory. He likes teasing the alpha like that and the easy way Magnus reacts to it. He's feeling better living with him now, but he can't allow himself to let it go any further between them.</p><p>Back to the list.</p><p>
  <i>- archery<br/>
- close combat<br/>
- research<br/>
- strategy<br/>
- languages</i>
</p><p>Granted, Enochian and Latin may not be in high demand here. But fluent French, Spanish, Portuguese and German, enough of Hindi, Swahili, Mandarin, Afrikaans,<br/>
and Japanese to impress delegations from other Institutes? Not too bad. At least one of the things he had to study for the position of the Head of the Institute may be useful after all.</p><p>Behind these five bullet points are hidden many skills, but he can't think of anything that might be useful for a job interview. And then there is the problem of a nonexistent résumé, though Magnus might be able to help with that if Alec finds out what he wants to do with his life. Maybe Kate can work something out. She's the pro after all.</p><p>Alec looks at the other list:</p><p>
  <i>- being a shadowhunter<br/>
- Izzy<br/>
- Jace<br/>
- Max<br/>
- knowing what I am supposed to do</i>
</p><p>He can't think of anything that he wants to try out. He has no idea what normal people do with their time. And everything Magnus suggested needs either money or Magnus to get him there. Both are big no-nos.</p><p>He closes the notes app and sighs. He plays with his ring, an odd weight on his callused finger and the only sign of his ancestry. He glamoured his runes before he left the loft and even though he has done this on missions before, he feels strangely exposed without them. Maybe because it reminds him of what he has lost.</p><p>Finally he leaves with a driver's license, a new name, and a heavy heart. He walks through the familiar streets of Brooklyn. He drifts through the mundanes, living their ordinary lives and minding their own business.</p><p>He thinks of Clary who made the reverse journey, learning about the shadow world, and he feels bad for all his snide comments and bitchy attitude towards her. Yes, she was annoying and egoistic, but maybe underneath it all, she was just a frightened young woman, trying to make sense of the new life that was thrown at her. Maybe they could have been friends. The way Jace was basically attached to her side, suggests that she can't be <i>that</i> bad. Maybe he will see her again when the dust has settled. Maybe.</p><p>When he comes back to Magnus' place, there is a magical barrier erected in the ground-floor hallway that doesn't let him through. He panics for a long moment before he sees that his phone shows a new message. </p><p>
  <i>Sorry, unexpected client who might recognise you. Can make you a portal to your room, or you get yourself something at the corner café. You're on my list to order there. Just ask for Matthew. I'd call you when they leave. Text me what you prefer. Magnus</i>
</p><p>Alec thinks of the delicious pastries Magnus conjured from there and feels some relief that the warlock may forge documents, but he isn't a thief. </p><p>Alec starts to type. <i>Do you want something for dessert tonight?</i></p><p>He sees the three dots appearing and disappearing, indicating that Magnus deleted what he just wrote. Then the points come back on the screen and this time, Magnus sends it. </p><p>
  <i>Apple pie would be lovely. Thank you, Alec. </i>
</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The medical</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A few chapters ago Verunka wondered what Cat's experiences were. The question changed parts of this chapter.</p><p>I'm always grateful for your comments and questions. You help me stay motivated and you make my writing better. Thank you so much!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Catarina reads through his medical record, alternating scrunching her nose and furrowing her brow. She shakes her head in disbelief. Meanwhile, Alec fidgets on his bed. </p><p>"What is it?" he asks as soon as she's finished reading.</p><p>Catarina sighs. "I must say for all the futuristic technologies you have in the Institute, the knowledge of omega health in your infirmary leaves a lot to be desired. It's good that most of your injuries could be healed with an iratze and physical treatments because quite a few of the substances and dosages that you received when you needed medication are not recommended for omegas in mundane medicine due to long term side effects."</p><p>"What kind of side effects?" Alec asks apprehensively.</p><p>"Mainly fertility issues, but also bone density, cancer, and such."</p><p>"Cancer isn't a problem for nephilim. Maybe the other things aren't either."</p><p>"Yes, maybe. But I doubt that there are studies available to say that they are safe for nephilim omegas. But you are pretty healthy according to your annual physical. I'd still like to check the parts that they leave out, like your reproductive organs. I could give you a full-body scan if you want though."</p><p>"I guess you'll see things my old doctors wouldn't. So, go ahead."</p><p>Alec settles down on his bed and Catarina starts scanning his head. Her magic feels warm and soothing, buzzing softly through his brain. Alec wonders why they were never taught about healing magic. All he learnt about warlocks is that they were potential weapons of mass destruction. He changed his opinion about downworlders as subhumans a very long time ago, but he always had the utmost respect for what warlock and seelie magic is capable of.</p><p>Catarina's hands hover over his arms and chest down to his stomach where she keeps them a while, her face a mask of concentration. Then she moves to his legs before calling back her magic and smiling at him.</p><p>"That looks good so far. The bone density could be better and there seems to be a little swelling in your lower abdomen. I'd like to palpate it if that's fine with you." Alec nods. Catarina pushes his shirt up and his sweatpants down, then presses her fingers into the tissue. It's a little unpleasant, but not hurtful. Catarina smiles contentedly. "And last but not least I'd like to check your breast tissue."</p><p>Alec blanches. "Why? You already scanned it."</p><p>"That's right. But some things can be detected more easily with physical touch. The way the tissue feels gives information a mere scan can't. Don't you feel comfortable being touched on your chest?" she asks softly. </p><p>"It always reminds me of being an omega. The rest I can ignore, but this little scrap of fat doesn't disappear, no matter how hard I try."</p><p>Catarina looks at him sympathetically. "It's because it isn't just fat, but mammary glands. Is it because you don't feel like it belongs to your true body or is it because it reminds you of being an omega?"</p><p>"What difference does it make?" Alec asks.</p><p>"What I mean to ask is, do you feel as if your soul lives in the wrong body or do you just think it would be easier if you were an alpha or a beta?"</p><p>Alec pauses for a moment. What a weird question. "No, my body isn't wrong. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't born an omega. But does it happen? The other thing, I mean."</p><p>"Yes, there are people who are trans or non-binary in their first and/or non-trinary in their second gender. That means their physical body doesn’t match up with their gender identity. That can lead to dysphoria. That's why I asked."</p><p>Alec tries to wrap his head around this information. "No, I'm just a plain old self-loathing omega," Alec says, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing miserably. </p><p>"What is it you hate about being an omega?"</p><p>Alec sits up on the bed. "Where shall I begin? The fact that alphas can order me is on the top of the list, then my heats that force me to go offline every four weeks, the extra work I must put into my training, the way that many alphas think I am either a damsel in distress or a whore, and oh, not to forget the constant reminder of me being the perfect baby machine. I think these are my pet peeves."</p><p>Catarina nods. "I share them with you."</p><p>"How do you manage, Cat? I mean, the way you carry yourself, you emanate strength and power. Is it your magic?"</p><p>She furrows her brow. "It surely helps, but mainly it's that I surround myself with people who respect me for myself and who I can rely on in emergencies like Magnus or our friend Ragnor."</p><p>"Is he an alpha, too?"</p><p>"No, a beta. But as old as he is, the alpha voice doesn't work on him in the slightest. I learnt to resist it coming from mundanes, werewolves, and shadowhunters. The only alphas who are able to order me are old vampires, warlocks, and seelies. But when I was younger, my magic didn't help me. </p><p>Cat looked a little pensive as she remembered.</p><p>"You know, the day I met Magnus, I walked up on the stake myself. They didn't need to drag me there. The alpha mayor ordered me and I went like a lamb to the slaughter. If it weren't for Magnus, I would have died in flames."</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Cat."</p><p>"It was a long time ago, Alec. I'm fine. I have friends who are family to me. It was Magnus who made me see that being an omega isn't a bad thing. It's our environment that makes it difficult to live freely, not our biology."</p><p>"You're not mated, are you?"</p><p>Her eyes turn sad and Alec instantly regrets his question. "I was, but my mate died in a freak accident."</p><p>Alec brushes a hand soothingly over her arm. "Do ... do you have children?" Alec asks, hoping he isn't stepping into the next sandtrap.</p><p>But Catarina smiles. "I had. An adoptive son called Ephraim. He was a nephilim like you, but he never knew."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"To protect him from the Clave that saw his parents as traitors. He was such a sweet boy and kind adult. Even after faking my own death when he was in his thirties, I never stopped looking after him. I'll never forget him. He was my pup in all but blood.</p><p>"I was a single parent female omega in the 1800s. All my magic didn't help me with that task, but I raised a happy child who became a beloved father and grandfather. The thing is, Alec, being an omega sometimes sucks. But being yourself always pays off."</p><p>"But it's hard to be yourself if others judge you for <i>being</i> yourself. I can't control my scent because I always used blockers, I swallow pills to not slick in inappropriate moments, I need a willing alpha to make my own damn decisions. I need to sleep three days to get through my heat."</p><p>"Actually, I wanted to talk with you about this. The way you handled your heats in the past is not recommended. It's important for your body to truly go through with it at least twice a year. Otherwise, the system breaks down the resources of your body. That's likely why your bone density isn't optimal."</p><p>"I had one natural heat in my life and it was terrible, Cat. It was worse than anything I ever experienced, and that includes several nearly lethal wounds after a demon attack."</p><p>"Tell me about it," she asks and he tells her the whole story. "That's not what a natural heat without an alpha looks like, Alec, believe me. I have spent mine alone for decades now. You need support, not unlike what your siblings did. And there is safe medication to help and toys that ..."</p><p>Alec’s whole face turns fire engine red.</p><p>"No, Cat, please don't talk about <i>that</i>."</p><p>"Alec, we are both adults. But if it makes you feel better, I can give you a book about it. I can't offer you the narcosis. It's unheard of in mundane medicine and it's not safe. We could try the new generation of heat blockers, but it is high time that you go through a normal heat."</p><p>"How many days do I have to decide?"</p><p>"About two weeks."</p><p>Alec heart sinks like a stone. "I'll think about it."</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Reflection of you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Someone keeps ringing the doorbell in the afternoon. Magnus reaches out with his magic. <i>Shadowhunter.</i></p><p>"Who dares to disturb the High Warlock of Brooklyn?" the alpha growls into the intercom. Alec chuckles silently, despite the nervousness bubbling up in his chest. </p><p>"Robert Lightwood," a voice sounds tinny over the speaker. Alec's eyes grow wide in panic. He didn't expect his father of all people to arrive at Magnus' threshold.</p><p>"What can I do for you, Mr Lightwood? I'm rather busy," Magnus says with no hint of emotion in his voice.</p><p>"It's about Alec. Can I come in?" Magnus worries his lower lip and looks at Alec who cautiously nods his head in agreement, pointing at himself and then in the direction of his bedroom. </p><p>"Come up. Top floor. The elevator is broken." That's a lie, but it buys them time. "Let's see what he wants," Magnus says, giving Alec's arm an encouraging squeeze, and when his father knocks at the door, the omega is safe behind a glamour concealing his door.</p><p>He hears the two men's greetings way louder than he should be able to and realises that Magnus must have cast a spell to let him listen in on them.</p><p>"So, what about Alec is it you want to talk about, Mr Lightwood?" Magnus asks, mixing himself a Cosmopolitan.</p><p>"I learnt from my wife that you are his true mate," Robert says, nothing in his voice giving away his thoughts. Magnus hums in agreement. "She also told me that she ordered our son to break the bond."</p><p>Magnus knits his brow. "I heard from my medical adviser that this was the plan," he supplies.</p><p>"I wanted to tell you that I don't agree with my wife on this." Robert's eyes are fixed on Magnus who can barely conceal his surprise. </p><p>"Is that so?" Magnus asks over the rim of his cocktail glass.</p><p>"Yes. No matter what we may think about each other, I believe that true mates are created for a reason. I may not understand why, but I respect the angel's decree. That's why I went to Alec's room to talk him out of it. But I found it empty with most of his things gone and his phone left behind. And the untouched medication on his bedside table."</p><p>Magnus plays along. "I felt that the bond wasn't dissolved. But do you tell me that you lost my mate?" Magnus asks.</p><p>Robert scrutinises him for a short moment. Doubt flickers over his face. "Um ... yes. I think he left due to the order my wife gave him. You must know, Alec isn't your stereotypical omega. Never was. He is his own man and I hope that ... if fate put you two together, you might be an alpha who can respect who he is, unlike any mate my wife would be able to find him."</p><p>"The few times I met your son, I thought him to be a very impressive person, a born leader, strong and smart. Being bonded to a man like him is an honour, but I'm not sure if he sees it the same way."</p><p>"Alec is stubborn and denies himself a lot. I played my part in that and I am not proud of it. I thought it easier to let him create himself as a beta, being one myself, but I never contemplated what that might mean for him personally. Meeting you must have been a shock for him."</p><p>"Well, that was my impression," Magnus agrees, pressing his lips to a thin line.</p><p>"I don't know where he went. I can't find him through shadowhunter tracking. Not even his parabatai can feel him. He's like vanished from the earth. I wondered ... maybe you would be able to find out where he is. I just want to talk to him, make sure that he's safe ... that he's alive."</p><p>Magnus looks at him closely. He can't detect any deceit in the beta's face, but there is worry. Magnus is still suspicious. "I know that he is alive. I can feel him through our bond." Robert visibly relaxes. "But for tracking, I would need something of his, preferentially something dear to him," Magnus says.</p><p>"I will send someone to deliver what you need. Thank you, Warlock Bane. I will pay you of course," Robert offers.</p><p>"There's no need. I want Alec safe, too. He is obviously close to my heart. Good day, Mr Lightwood."</p><p>Magnus sees him off and closes the apartment door, then waits until he can feel Robert pass through his wards. He removes the glamour and knocks at Alec's door.</p><p>"That was quite a surprise," the warlock says when Alec opens it.</p><p>"Yeah. I didn't expect this turn of events," Alec agrees.</p><p>"Do you think he suspects something?" Magnus asks. </p><p>"That's hard to say. I barely see my father nowadays. He spends most of his time in Alicante or with Max in one of the Institutes around the globe. He may suspect that I am with you. But maybe he thinks that his teachings made me loathe downworlders and that I would never come to you." Alec rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "I'm not sure what to make of it, to be honest."</p><p>"I can still tell him that I can't locate you. But he seemed seriously worried about you," Magnus says.</p><p>Alec hums, juggling the spoken words in his head. "Did you mean it?" Alec asks. Magnus raises a questioning eyebrow. "What you said about me."</p><p>"But of course. Why would I lie?"</p><p>"It's just ... I don't think that anyone has ever called me 'impressive' before."</p><p>"But you are, Alec. When we met for the first time at Pandemonium, without knowing who you are to me, you were the one I felt drawn to. You were different, but in a good way. You looked out for your people, looked out for me, a stranger, a downworlder. I saw your big heart and your strategic thinking. Not to forget the most beautiful smile I've ever seen." Alec blushes and feels his heart speed up at the praise.</p><p>"Looking back, I can only admire how composed you were at the beginning of your heat. You are strong and tough, but also compassionate and caring. You are the full package and more. So, yes, I meant it. It's an honour to be bonded to you and I pray to heaven and hell that you want to keep me."</p><p>"Magnus."</p><p>"I know. I do apologise. I shouldn't bring it up all the time. I don't want you to feel pressured. Let's make a deal. Should you ever feel ready to be courted, just tell me. Otherwise, I won't talk about it anymore."</p><p>"And what if you're not interested in courting me any longer?"</p><p>"I don't see that coming, Alec," he answers with a little smile.</p><p>Alec smiles back, his scent turning to happy omega. It warms Magnus' heart. "You know, I liked it better when you called me Alexander," the shadowhunter confesses murmuring.</p><p>"I didn't want to cross a line. It felt ... more intimate, I guess," the alpha replies.</p><p>"Yes, it does. But intimate in a good way. Nobody calls me Alexander, but you."</p><p>"If you don't mind, I would love to call you by your full name."</p><p>Alec gives him a lopsided smile and nods. Magnus' eyes sparkle with joy and the sight of it makes tiny butterflies flutter in Alec's stomach. He snickers in surprise. He would lie if he said he didn't like this feeling.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.</p><p>- Amelia Earhart</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The doorbell rings and Alec disappears into his bedroom automatically. Magnus calls for him after a few minutes, therefore it's not a surprise client this time.</p><p>Magnus holds a huge case in his hand and Alec frowns. "Your father sent this," the alpha explains and a giddy feeling spreads in Alec's chest. There is only one thing he owns that is this big and didn't Magnus tell his father, he needed something dear to him? He takes the box with shaking hands and puts it on the dining table. He opens the catch locks and lifts the lid. His heart is beating so fast, it feels like it was going to jump out of his chest.</p><p>He runs his fingers over the runed bow and the arrows holding angelic power. He doesn't feel the tears streaming down his cheeks. He doesn't feel anything. No, that's not right. He feels <i>everything</i>, but at the same time. The harsh truth is, no matter how many jobs Kate is laying out for him, he doesn't want any of them. He wants to protect the mundanes from demons and rogue downworlders. </p><p>"Alexander?" Magnus asks quietly. A sob escapes Alec's throat, followed by a low whimper that seems to take over his whole body. If he weren't this devastated, he would scold himself for a sound that is solely associated with his second gender. But he hasn't even the energy left to hate himself for it.</p><p>Magnus approaches him slowly until he stands by his side, their shoulders lightly touching. It's a single anchor point in Alec's stormy sea of emotions. He leans into the touch and Magnus lays his hand on the small of his back. For a moment, Alec breathes into the warmth of his hand, then turns to Magnus. His head falls on the alpha's shoulder. </p><p>Magnus' embraces him tenderly and his warm scent envelops Alec, soothing his mind. The shadowhunter throws his reservations over board and lets himself be held by the other man. They stand like this for a long time. Magnus brushes one hand soothingly over Alec's back and waits until the omega is ready to talk. </p><p>"M sorry. I'm embarrassing," Alec snivels.</p><p>"Shh, none of that. <i>Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth</i>."</p><p>Alec chuckles quietly and pulls back. "Did you just Charles Dickens'ed me?"</p><p>Magnus smiles at him. "Sorry. I can never resist quoting a friend of mine if it suits the moment." He takes a good look at Alec. "Do you want to talk?"</p><p>"Umm, no. I'm fine," Alec says, brushing away his tears with the back of his hand. "Sorry. I didn't mean to. It just ... all came crashing down on me. I will never be a shadowhunter again."</p><p>"What makes you think that? Maybe one day you will return," Magnus questions. </p><p>But Alec shakes his head. "No, I don't think so. Even if I went back, it would be a miracle if they don't just send to Idris right away. I wouldn't be able to work. In the Clave's eyes, I am a renegade soldier. They would put me in jail or derune me."</p><p>"But you had good reasons to leave, no? By law you are meant to stay with your alpha and that's me at the moment," Magnus argues.</p><p>Alec shrugs. "I don't know if sneaking out of the Institute without an official leave will be seen as a clearcut thing. And you know how the Clave acts. They will always favour their own over a downworlder. There is always a loophole they can use."</p><p>"You may be right. Still. You shouldn't give up hope. If you want to go back, we will find a way to make it happen."</p><p>"You can't promise that," Alec objects.</p><p>"No, you're right, I can't. But I want to."</p><p>Alec stifles a laugh. "Why are you always so kind?"</p><p>Magnus' lips twitch. "Because I know what it means to be not your own, Alexander."</p><p>Alec huffs. "You are the most powerful warlock in North America. Sorry, but I don't think you can relate."</p><p>"I haven't always been the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Alexander. Warlocks have a childhood just like any other person. Believe me. I know what it is like to follow an alpha's order, to be forced to do things you hate. And I think I can understand what you're going through right now, adjusting to this new world without having the tools to make it work for you. Yes, now I have better cards, but it hasn't always been this way."</p><p>"How?"</p><p>Magnus sighs, walks over to the sofa, and sinks into the cushions. Alec follows him, sitting down in an armchair opposite him. "My father is a greater demon. After my mother died and my stepfather ... Asmodeus found me and saved my life. He took me in and taught me how to properly use my magic. He abused me until I finally escaped. His voice is alpha in its purest form and most people, whatever their second gender, can't resist it and I was one of them for the longest time.</p><p>"I will never forget what it feels like to be ordered in this way and that's why I refrain from using my alpha voice. The last time I spoke with it was when I ordered the omega holding the torch to Cat's stake to stop and loosen her bonds. And then I ordered Catarina to get off the stake and come with me because she still was under the mayor's influence. It was the only way to overrule his order."</p><p>"Why didn't you just portal out with her?"</p><p>Magnus grins. "Because I hadn't invented the portal yet."</p><p>Alec swallows the lump in his throat. It's one thing to know theoretically that Magnus is very powerful. But that he created this kind of magic, revolutionising travel is even more impressive. </p><p>"I was low on magic anyway and I feared that it might not end well if I tried freeing her differently."</p><p>Alec nods in understanding. "But that still doesn't explain your kindness, Magnus. You could be bitter and hateful."</p><p>"The thing is, Alexander, we have a choice about the kind of person we want to be, the way we respond to what life throws at us. When I escaped Asmodeus, I was angry and I hurt. I was afraid and lashed out. I was lost, didn't know who I was without being Asmodeus' tool of destruction. I hated myself for who I was, for what he had made me do." Magnus gets lost in his memories, a dark shadow glides over his face.</p><p>"What changed you?" Alec asks, his voice cutting through Magnus' haze.</p><p>"Kindness, Alexander. Kindness begets kindness. I was taken in by churchmen and lived with the Silent Brothers in Spain. They introduced me to Ragnor Fell who first was a mentor to me and now is one of my best friends. It was their kindness that didn't let me give myself over to hatred and violence.</p><p>"And after Camille broke me again, it was the kindness of my friends who collected all the broken pieces of me and just let me be, safe and cared for, enduring everything I threw at them."</p><p>A long silence stretches between them while Alec lets Magnus' words sink in. "You deserved nothing less but kindness," the shadowhunter finally says.</p><p>The warlock smiles. "And so do you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It was a feast mixing up book and tv canon Magnus in this chapter. I hope you liked it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Bloody nighttime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kindness isn't a foreign concept for Alec. He showed it in the past, especially when he was lenient towards downworlders when he should have arrested children or single parent omegas for minor violations. That's likely the reason for his good reputation in the downworld. Damn it! He could have done so much for a better relationship between the Clave and the downworld. Hell, thinking about it, what did the nephilim lose with him gone! The Head mated to the High Warlock. What a coup.</p><p>He knows that they would already be courting if Maryse allowed it all those days ago. And Alec guesses that he would be rather happy about it. He likes the alpha. He is good to him and he would spoil Alec rotten if he let him. But under these circumstances, he can't allow it and it sucks.</p><p>Alec runs his hand over his bow. It is a familiar feeling, grounding him. The weapon is like an extension of his body. If he could just use it without running into other shadowhunters. He has half a mind to ask Magnus for a training room and normal arrows, just to train a little, just to feel more like himself. But it would only hurt. This is part of a past that will never come back.</p><p>Alec lets go of the bow and sighs. He tries to focus on his learning material. Kate got him an interview for a tourist guide job. He knows New York well enough and his language skills are his main selling point. Memorising was always one of his fortes and he will put it to good use. But he's going stir-crazy. </p><p>Magnus tried to talk him into leaving the loft, portaling to a beach or pretty much anywhere he would like to be, where he could be sure not to run into anybody he knows. But Alec is stubborn. He won't use Magnus as a shuttle service and he won't let him pay for anything that isn't a necessity. He's bookkeeping every single expense. If they don't mate in the future, Alec will pay back every single dollar.</p><p>But still, Magnus has a point. Alec has led an active life before. Sitting around all day slaving over info sheets on his phone won't do him any good. He puts on his leather jacket and glamours his runes. Then he walks to the nearest destination in Manhattan. It's a warm and sunny day. He takes the walk described in the document Kate sent him and looks for all the details of the listed tourist attractions. Then he does an internet search and tries to find as much information as possible and learns it by heart.</p><p>He spends the whole day like this and the sun is already dipping low on the horizon when he starts on his way to Magnus' loft. It's still warm and he takes a little detour, watching the mundanes mingling in bars and cafés. Who knows, one day he might be one of them. Maybe it's the day of walking and using his full brain capacity or the prospect of a semi-meaningful job that makes him think that this wouldn't be too bad. He loves history, he loves New York. Why not make the most of it?</p><p>On his way to the Williamsburg Bridge, Alec realises how thirsty he is. He hasn't used his anti-slick pills since Magnus' rut has ended and now he often forgets to drink. His unquenchable thirst stopped right away and now he has to relearn the signs his body sends him. It's still a 90-minute footwalk and he doesn't want to use his runes. Even with the charmed ring on his finger, he doesn't dare use too many runes at once. Better safe than sorry.</p><p>He checks the locations that Magnus has a payment arrangement with. Unfortunately, there is no mundane place close, just the 'Hunter's moon' right around the corner. As he guessed, he doesn't spot any familiar faces. He orders water at the counter and hears growls and hisses from a few vampires and werewolves who seem to scent that he is a nephilim, but nobody approaches him. He downs his two glasses and goes to the lavatory, then leaves to finally go home. What an irony. His old home is closer than his new one. He wonders if any of those two places really deserve to be named as such. </p><p>In the dimly lit backstreet a smell hits him before he can see the movement. Hisses and scenting noises are twirling around him before he sees a woman a few meters in front of him. She's beautiful, but her eyes are cold. "Angel blood," she hisses and with a shudder, Alec realises that he's facing a vampiress. At least her scent speaks of omega, but Alec feels danger drumming through his veins. He scolds himself that he left his dagger in his room.</p><p>The slim woman grins at him and steps closer, her high heels clicking on the pavement. "An unruned nephilim, what a lovely surprise. My minion was right. Such a titbit," she purrs and both the sweetness of her voice and her scent make Alec nauseated. The vampiress scents him again and frowns, walking even closer, but Alec takes a step back. He may be able to outrun her with activated runes, but he's not sure if he'd be fast enough with his stele.</p><p>The handsome face turns into a scowl. "That bastard," she spits out. "I can smell him. What has he done to you?" Alec gapes, not knowing what she is talking about. But he can't waste his thoughts on that. "Did he use a spell to make you submissive? Did he force a bond on you? Oh, what a fun game to play. Did Magnus tell you that I own his heart?"</p><p>Suddenly everything falls into place. "He told me what a bitch you are, Camille. He described you too kindly, though," Alec replies with a steady voice.</p><p>"Oh, he seduced you. He's a nice lay, a bit too soft on the heart and too focused on fidelity if you ask me. But using a nephilim as a boy toy ... well, well, well. I didn't think he had it in him." She grins at him devilishly. "If you are so much fun, maybe I should take you for a ride."</p><p>She strokes her hands all over him. The sick feeling in his stomach spreads through his body. With her hands sliding down his back, Alec sees his chance. He hits his elbow into her ribs and she flies across the street. She gets up after a second and storms on him with vampire speed. His instincts kick in and he averts her attack. She is strong and she is fast, but his mind is clear and he senses her movements. Still, after a few minutes of fighting, she has pinned him to a brick wall.</p><p>"You stupid nephilim. Did you really think you could escape me? I will suck you dry and then I will send you back to your alpha."</p><p>Alec pictures Magnus finding him dead on his doorstep. The thought tightens his chest. The bond that has strengthened over the last few days flares up underneath his skin. It feels like fire.</p><p>"Oh, you worry for him. The spell must be rather strong if he can make you feel like that. Not a simple love potion to make you bend to his will. Killing you will be so much more delightful when he truly fancies you."</p><p>Her grin widens impossibly more. Alec wants to wipe it off her face. He summons all his strength and throws her on the other side of the alley, grips his stele and activates his strength rune with a swift movement. Before she can stand up again, he's at her throat, lifting her from the ground and pushing her against the wall, her feet hanging in the air.</p><p>Lights are flashing behind him, but Alec doesn't care, his furious focus zoomed on the person in front of him. "You won't hurt my mate ever again," he growls. Her eyes grow wide in surprise and then her look turns to panic. She's undead so she isn't in danger of suffocating, but she stares over Alec's shoulder. He can smell the bonfire burning furiously behind him. Alec strengthens his grasp on her throat. </p><p>"I have everything under control," he says, his voice strained, but still emanating power.</p><p>"I can see that, Alexander." Magnus says with clear pride in his voice. "Mind if I send her to the new clan chef? He's family to me."</p><p>Alec takes a last look at Camille who looks pale, even for a vampire. "Yeah. I'm finished with her," he grunts.</p><p>Magnus takes his phone and speaks, "My guest has a gift for you. All wrapped up nicely. Shall I send her right into the cell? ... Good. We'll talk later, Raphael." He hangs up and opens a portal in the wall behind her. She knows exactly where she's going to end up.</p><p>"Magnus, he will never love you. He didn't even let you bite him. He will take whatever he needs from you, and then he will leave as every mortal did. He doesn't see what a gift an eternal future with you is. I am the only one who will stay with you, Magnus. You know that," Camille coos.</p><p>Alec scrutinises the alpha out of the corner of his eye. Magnus looks at her tearfully. He swallows hard and Alec wonders if he still loves her. But Magnus shakes his head as if he heard his silent question and says, "Goodbye, Camille." That's all it takes for Alec to push her into the portal. He steadies himself at the wall that appears again in front of him and takes a deep breath before he sinks to his knees. Magnus is at his side in an instant, checking him for injuries.</p><p>"I'm fine, Magnus. Just bring me home," he says wearily and Magnus flicks his hand, holds him at his back and knees, lifts him up, and walks with him through the portal. He lays him down on the couch and heals his cuts and bruises and cleans the dried blood off his face.</p><p>"How did you find me? You said you can't track me. Did you lie?" Alec murmurs. </p><p>Magnus shakes his head. "No. I felt you reaching out through our bond and I had a vision of you in the alley. I couldn't have found you otherwise." He brushes his knuckles softly over Alec's cheek and the shadowhunter can see tears running down his face.</p><p>"Magnus, don't. I'm fine," Alec croaks, lifting his hand to brush the tears away. "Don't you know that alphas don't cry?"</p><p>Magnus chuckles. "Well, this one does. I was so scared that she'd hurt you. But I should have known. I am <i>so</i> proud of you."</p><p>"I guess the ring helped," Alec says, and shrugs his shoulders. </p><p>"This ring works against demons and evil magic. There is no spell in the world to protect you from vampires, Alexander. That was all you."</p><p>Alec's hand finds Magnus' and he intertwines their fingers. His ring bumps against the alpha's with a little 'clang'. His thumb makes tender strokes over the warm skin. He feels Magnus' hand vibrating under the brushes and sees his breath hitching for a moment. They stay like this for a long time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Sibling's talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few days after the Camille incident are interesting, to say the least. Alec can see that Magnus is struggling to not fuss about him. He gives Alec space as usual, but the moment of vulnerability and softness between them has shifted the borders the omega erected so carefully and he's starting to long for the alpha's devotion. It's a big word, but what do you call it when somebody as busy as the High Warlock of Brooklyn always makes time for you, tries to fulfil every unspoken wish, because you deny him every spoken one?</p><p>Alec feels trapped in his own rules, but it's difficult to paddle back. He needs to talk about it, but with whom? He knows there is only one answer, but it's not easy to ask her for advice either. If his life weren't such a mess, he could just be happy and allow Magnus to court him. Because there is no way now to deny that he wants it. Not after seeing the other man so open and emotional.</p><p>The mating part at the end is another matter, but courtship exists for a reason. Courtship exists to get to know each other better and for the alpha to show his willingness and ability to provide. Yes, it's terribly outdated, but who cares? Well, Alec does, a little. Okay, a lot. And still ...</p><p>With a sigh he shoots Izzy a text. She knows him best. Sometimes he wonders why Jace isn't as receptive as her. He can <i>feel</i> Alec's emotions for heaven's sake. But his parabatai is maybe too caught up with himself and all the chaos around his girlfriend. </p><p>Jace comes once to train with him and it feels good, nearly like normal, like everything that isn't his life now. Even if it's only for an hour. But when Jace mentions his slightly softening middle, Alec sits him down and teaches him omegan physiology. Yes, he studied the book Cat gave him and he understands his body so much better. Not that he likes it more, but some responses of his body just make more sense now and he promises himself to be patient while he adjusts to other training methods and a different kind of nutrition.</p><p>Alec struggles with the topic of sexism, too. He internalised so many misconceptions about all three genders, but especially his own that it's still hard to see, where others are in the wrong. All those late-night talks with Magnus seem to yield fruit, though, even when the alpha admits that he doesn't always see his own privileges and still tries to become better.</p><p>When Alec finally meets Izzy in a bar, she smiles at him, but he can feel that she is a mess. It's day 9 since Alec moved in with Magnus and both siblings know that their mother will find out that he is gone, soon.</p><p>"She's so busy setting up Jace as the new Head," she groans.</p><p>"Yeah, he didn't seem amused about it at all," Alec supplies.</p><p>"He never wanted this position, neither did I. I never thought that she might send you away. When she offered me the position right after she found out about Magnus and you, I thought she was joking, Alec. And I hoped she'd come to her senses when Jace would decline. But she didn't even ask him. She just ordered it. He argued that you were the one who trained and was perfect for the job. But she just ignored him.</p><p>"Alec, I'm so incredibly sorry that I took this opportunity from you. I just thought about how much mum always gushed about her parents who were true mates and what a gift by the angels it is. That those couples are chosen to play an important part in the angel's plans.</p><p>"And I saw how lonely and unhappy you were. I just thought you needed a love tap, you know. But I never asked if you even wanted that and now I destroyed your life. I'm astonished that you're even talking to me." Her eyes are filled with tears.</p><p>"I'm surprised myself," Alec confesses. "I am pissed off. You had no right to decide for me. But honestly, I just don't have the energy for anger right now, righteous or not. And I love you. I understand that you meant well. But I need to focus now on my new life and on what is between Magnus and me. And how to stay safe in the whole process. I don't want to leave New York, even when Magnus offered to portal me to one of his many homes around the world. But Jace and you, you are the only family I have now. I want to stay here, in New York, if that's possible."</p><p>She nods. "Of course I don't know what mum will do when she finds out that you're gone. But I looked at your profile in the database and since you woke up from your heat, you're listed as discharged at your own request, approved by the current Heads of the Institute. There won't be any repercussions from the Clave, no matter what mum is going to do. She might not even officially look for you as this might stir up even more problems for her."</p><p>"But dad might insist on finding me. Since Magnus told him that he couldn't locate me, he sends a fire message every single day, asking him to try again and if the bond is still active. He either suspects that I am with him or he really wants to find me."</p><p>Izzy nods. "He asks us every day, too. Jace tells him that you are blocking the parabatai rune. But what is really telling is that he hardly talks to mum. Usually, he lives in the Head's office, but he's working in his private quarters. Rumour has it that he is filing for divorce."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"I was too much of a coward to ask him. Not that it would be a great loss to anybody." She sighs and scrutinises her brother. "Are you nervous about tomorrow, about how mum will react when she'll find out?"</p><p>"Yes. But I hope that you and Jace can be my eyes and ears in the Institute and that whatever mum will do, will simmer down fast. I start my job next month, right after my heat."</p><p>"Congratulations, Alec! It's so great that you got the job! But I thought you wanted to try the new suppressants Cat talked about."</p><p>"Yes, but after reading the book she gave me, I understand why she deemed it dangerous to start them before having a normal heat. Whatever that means. We'll meet next week to talk about the details. But ... she said it would help me to have familiar scents around me. Being accompanied by close family members or friends would be the best, but worn clothes or bedding of them would be good, too." He blushes. "Would you mind giving me something of yours?"</p><p>"But of course, Alec. What do you want? You have it."</p><p>"Cat said it should be soft as my skin will be very sensitive."</p><p>Izzy nods. "And, provided that it is even possible, would you want ... me to come to help you for some time?"</p><p>"Yeah. If someone can see me like this, it's you. But think about it. You know better than I, how I am in heat."</p><p>"I will be always there for you, hermano. And it's an honour that you still trust me enough to share this part of you with me." She worries her lower lip. "What about Magnus. Do you want him to stay with you, too?"</p><p>Alec swallows hard. "I don't know. I mean, he already proved that he can hold himself back. He didn't touch me in the infirmary and even when he was in rut, nothing happened. But I'm not sure if I could let myself be seen like this."</p><p>Izzy nods sympathetically. "You still have time. Who knows at what point you are, two weeks from now. So much can happen until then."</p><p>Alec nods his head in agreement. "I'm struggling, Iz. I'm torn when it comes to him. He is so gentle and kind. Seriously, if I had ever allowed myself to dream up the perfect alpha, it would have been him. The other day, I slipped and called him my mate. It felt so good. I have this strong pull to just give in to my feelings, to let our bond absorb me. But I'm so fucking scared."</p><p>"About what?" Izzy asks softly. </p><p>Alec sighs. "About being an omega. No, that's not right. About being treated like an omega. Because him being so respectful and seeing omegas as equals don't mean others think the same. Cat told me, she surrounded herself with good people who love her whole being.</p><p>"But, I mean, even you and Jace, you act as if you know better than me. I know you work hard on it, Izzy, but still. Both of you see alphas as superior. You bringing Magnus to me during my heat was a shitty alpha move. Jace telling me, I should watch my love handles even though I kicked his ass a second ago, is a shitty alpha move. </p><p>"You two want me to be myself, but you don't let me unless I fit in the mould that I created all those years ago. But I need you two to truly respect me. It's exhausting and I have to deal with so many things right now. I don't have the energy to educate you all the time. I'm still unlearning a lot of crap myself."</p><p>Izzy looks at him in understanding.  "You're right, Alec. And I'm truly sorry. We will work on this. I promise. Neither Jace nor I want to hurt you. Just, don't give up on us, please. We love you and we want you to be happy. You deserve that."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Cabbage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A big thank you to the wonderful codenamepenguin who checks my writing for spelling mistakes and gives me suggestions to write better. 💜</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The tenth day of Alec's stay at Magnus' comes and goes. Its 3 am when Magnus' is awoken by a fire message. </p><p>
  <i>Wherever you're hiding Alec, hide him better! My wife is coming for him.</i>
</p><p>Magnus rushes out of his room. "You must leave, Alec. I portal you to Ragnor," he calls, knocking at his door. Alec opens, looking adorable with his bed head, dressed in his pyjama bottoms and a shirt that looks suspiciously like it belongs to Magnus. The alpha cannot suppress a smile before turning serious again. He snaps his fingers and Alec wears one of his combat pants, shoes and leather jacket. He can't help it. He leaves his own shirt on the beautiful man in front of him.</p><p>"Why don't you just glamour the door again?" Alec asks, his voice heavy with sleep.</p><p>"Your mother knows my loft. She would detect it right away."</p><p>"Shit. Can I still listen in?"</p><p>"The spell doesn't work long distance. Ragnor lives in England. Sorry, we need to hurry."</p><p>Magnus opens the portal and they step into an English country house, full of books, paintings, and antiquities. The green horned warlock from Magnus' vision is sitting on a cushioned chair next to an open fireplace, dressed in pyjamas and a lush dressing gown.</p><p>"Oh, my friend, what a lovely surprise," the beta says, smirking at Magnus and Alec. "To what do I owe the pleasure at this early hour?"</p><p>"They are coming for Alec. Cat is working. Sorry to bother you."</p><p>"Magnus, you are never a bother to me and neither is your omega. I will keep him safe and company."</p><p>Magnus nods at him thankfully, then turns to Alec. He raises his hand as if to stroke Alec's cheek but thinks better of it. Instead, he gives the omega's biceps a squeeze. "I will come back as soon as possible," he promises and steps closer to the portal.</p><p>Alec's hand shoots out and grabs Magnus' before he can step into it and pulls him back. "Be careful! Do you hear me?" Magnus smiles and nods in affirmation. Alec's heart clenches painfully and before Magnus can turn around, he presses his lips on the alpha's cheek, soft and warm.</p><p>"I will," Magnus chokes out breathlessly. "I promise." He gives Alec's hand a soft squeeze and leaves.</p><p>Ragnor clears his throat and Alec's gaze snaps from the space where Magnus just disappeared to the other man. "Come, sit down. Fancy a cuppa?" Alec looks at him in confusion, but Ragnor just laughs heartfully. "Would you like to have a cup of tea, my dear?" the warlock asks chuckling.</p><p>"Yes, please," Alec snickers, the tension leaving his body. Ragnor waves his hand and a china cup appears on the cushioned bench next to Alec's chair. "Thank you."</p><p>"You're most welcome. It's a pleasure to meet you. Alexander, right?"</p><p>"Alec is fine," he replies hastily and Ragnor smiles knowingly. "Magnus told me a lot about you," the shadowhunter says.</p><p>Ragnor raises a brow in amusement. "I'm sure he did. Maybe you want my view on some of those stories," he offers.</p><p>"Yes, maybe," Alec chuckles. "But I don't know if I'm in the mood, right now."</p><p>"Sure. It'll be more amusing with Magnus staring me down while doing so, anyway."</p><p>They nurse their tea in silence. "Magnus said you taught at the Shadowhunter Acadamy in Idris."</p><p>"Yes, indeed. I tried to show that magic isn't a force of destruction, but a fascinating artform. It is how it is wielded by the user that can make it good or bad, not magic itself. I don't know if it was fruitful."</p><p>"So, you don't hate shadowhunters?"</p><p>"Hate is a very powerful word, Alec, and I refrain from using it. Emotions are never that simple. Am I wary and cautious? Definitely. But I met as many good as bad shadowhunters in my very long life."</p><p>"So, it's not a problem for you that Magnus and I ..."</p><p>"... are true mates? No. Unless you hurt him, that is."</p><p>"I'm not planning to. I just need to work through some things."</p><p>Ragnor nods sympathetically. "I understand. But the great thing about being in a relationship is, you don't need to work through your problems on your own. But I know that Magnus understands. He is a very patient man. Well, except when it comes to the opera. Never let him wait before going to the opera, especially when it is Puccini. He once turned me into a turtle, because I was late for 'Turandot'."</p><p>Alec snickers. He can feel the beta's love for his friend. "Does ... does he talk about me ... about us?"</p><p>"But of course, he has talked of nothing else for the last two weeks. You don't know how happy he is that he found you. Magnus was always a romantic. He knew that his true mate would cross his path one day. I think that's why his former courtships didn't play out. Well, apart from Camille, but I heard you met her."</p><p>Alec nods.</p><p>"Very impressive, by the way. She's a beast. Pinning her to a wall without weapons or magic is an accomplishment. Not many people would have managed that."</p><p>"It was probably just luck."</p><p>"Luck had nothing to do with that. You didn't win against Camille Belcourt by sheer luck. Believe me."</p><p>Alec fidgets in his chair. "Sorry, I'm so nervous. My mother might not have vampire speed, but she can be a vicious woman. I would not put it past her to arrest him for whatever reason."</p><p>"He's the High Warlock of Brooklyn. She won't dare to wage a personal vendetta against him. Your mother is a strategist first and foremost. And she's a career person. As much as the Clave hates us downworlders, they won't start a war over a single omega. I'm sorry that they see your gender as less valuable, but ..."</p><p>"... but it's the truth. I know. That's maybe the first time that I'm thankful for that. I think you're right." Alec falls silent for a long while. "Ragnor, what are the warlock's traditions of courtship?"</p><p>Ragnor grins. "Oh, they are quite sophisticated. The first courting gift is something very personal, either filled with the alpha's magic or it is an item that holds special meaning to them. It's tradition that you will never ask for it to be returned in case the courting doesn't end in mating. After the first gift is accepted, there are the usual gifts of showing the alpha's prowess: food, shelter, and articles of clothing."</p><p>"Is there anything the omega is obligated to do?"</p><p>Ragnor gives him a soft smile. "Warlock omegas are cherished, but they aren't seen as inferior to alphas or betas. So they often reciprocate the gifts. It shows that they are on an equal level, that they are willing to care for their alpha just as much as their alpha cares for them. It's not mandatory, though."</p><p>Alec nods. Equal level? That sounds kinda good. He'll keep that in mind.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Alpha plus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A portal opens and Magnus steps through. Ragnor raises his eyebrow, as the alpha's power pulsates in the room so strongly, the chandelier on the ceiling vibrates. The younger warlock calms down quick enough when he spies Alec, squashed awkwardly into the armchair, fast asleep.</p><p>"He refused to go to bed," Ragnor says quietly. "How are you, my friend?" he asks and Magnus settles on the bench standing between the two of them.</p><p>"Maryse Lightwood is really a piece of work!" Magnus spits out, "It's a miracle that Alec turned out to be such a caring person. She only talked about him as if he were an object to be returned."</p><p>"So, she knows that he's staying with you?"</p><p>"She's at least highly suspicious. I didn't confirm anything, but I made it pretty clear that if he stayed with me, he would be under my protection and that I would bring her whole world down in flames if she tried to take him away from me."</p><p>"Did she believe you?"</p><p>Magnus chuckles darkly. "I reminded her of a few things about her that the Clave surely would be very interested to know them. She stormed out of my lair, huffing and puffing, yelling that I should 'keep the useless omega'. I know you always say that hate is not a useful emotion, but boy, I do hate that woman. I'm just happy that Alec didn't hear all the things she said. It would break him."</p><p>Magnus intently studies Alec's sleeping features. "Oh, Ragnor, I really think I am falling in love with him. I want to give the world to him, but he only takes what he needs to survive. If Maryse didn't push these ideas on him, I'm sure he would let me take care of him in a proper way. Giving him food and a place to stay is hardly enough."</p><p>"He'll come around, Magnus. You're treating him with more respect than anyone ever did. He's opening up to you. I could see it in your interaction earlier."</p><p>Magnus raises a hand to his face and brushes over his cheek. A smile twitches on his lips. "He never did that before," he whispers.</p><p>"You already made such a big difference in his life, my friend. But he needs to take all the steps at his own pace."</p><p>"I know. And what are a few weeks or months or even years compared to eternity."</p><p>Ragnor nods in agreement. </p><p>"I'm just worried that he might not want me in the end," Magnus murmurs.</p><p>"That's impossible. One day he will realise that he deserves to be happy - with you."</p><p>"I hope so."</p><p>Alec moves in his chair. His eyes flutter open slowly. A smile grows on his lips but falters instantly. "Magnus, how bad was it?"</p><p>"Nothing I couldn't handle," he replies softly, smiling at the omega's obvious concern for him. They have really come a long way in just ten days. "Your mother wanted to bring you back to the Institute, but I put her in her place. I didn't tell her that you're staying with me, but I made sure that she knows what will happen if she tries to take you against your will. I don't think that we need to worry about her. Although I suppose it's better that I portal you in and out instead of you leaving and coming through the front door. I will check for spies, just in case."</p><p>Alec nods. "Thank you, Magnus. I'm sorry that she pestered you."</p><p>"I have dealt with worse, Alexander. Don't worry about that. All I care about is your safety. We should go home and try to get some sleep. Shall we?"</p><p>Alec's tired smile is answer enough. They say goodbye to Ragnor and step through the portal, back into the living room.</p><p>The alpha makes a beeline to his drinks table, clearly needing a nightcap.</p><p>"Magnus?" Alec says. The warlock looks at him with a soft expression. "I ... wait a minute." Magnus looks after him in amusement and shakes his head. Alec looks so determined, it's adorable. Magnus wonders what might be so important that it can't wait until they both got some sleep. He feels nervous butterflies in his stomach and sighs. He shouldn't hang his hopes too high.</p><p>Alec walks into his room, but it is devoid of his belongings. "Where is my stuff, Magnus?" In a whirl of magic, everything Alec owns is back at its place. The shadowhunter smiles, grabs what he was looking for, and walks back to the alpha.</p><p>"Remember when I told you how much I loved reading to my siblings?" Alec asks and Magnus hums in lieu of an answer. "I brought this book with me because it connects me to a better time of my life when what would be deemed omegan if I did it now was just seen as a tender moment between siblings, of someone doing a deed of love.</p><p>"I do not love this book because it tells beautiful stories of brave knights who save their omegas or because of the legends of true love and true mates. I love it because it represents a time when I was truly myself, not second-guessing every emotion and every habit of mine. I love it because when I hold it in my hand, I know that there is a spark of something inside of it that might become my future.</p><p>"And that's why ... that's why I want you to have it," he says, offering the book with shaking hands. Alec looks at Magnus with big, vulnerable eyes. His cheeks are tinted a light pink and his lips tremble with emotion.</p><p>"Alexander," Magnus says softly, "I can't accept this."</p><p>"Magnus, I don't own much. I mean, my things fit into a duffle bag and a bow case. I don't have a lot to give you and I know I am not worthy of anything you give to me." The warlock opens his mouth to protest, but Alec stops him with the raising of his hand.</p><p>"No, let me finish, please. I care about you and I know that nothing I can give you could ever compare to the things you can provide. But if I accept your courtship, you will have to accept that I will court you, too. It's not really on the same level, I know. But I can't let you court me without reciprocating. I know about the warlock courting tradition. I know that I'll never get this back. But it is the most meaningful possession I can offer to you, and I hope you'll accept it."</p><p>Magnus' eyes shine in the dim light and his face lights up, more beautiful than any sunrise could ever be. Alec's heart clenches in the best possible way when the alpha steps closer and takes the book carefully in his hands as if it were precious. "Thank you, Alexander," he says, pressing the book to his heart.</p><p>Alec mirrors his beaming countenance and they stand in comfortable silence, their faces only inches apart. Alec takes a deep breath of their mingled happy scents and leans in, his lips brushing over Magnus' as light as a feather. After a long moment, Alec pulls back, savouring the tingling aftertaste with his eyes closed. When he opens them, he looks into Magnus' warm chocolate gaze. A smile tugs on his lips and he whispers, "Good night, alpha."</p><p>Magnus stands there rooted to the spot, still holding the book tight to his chest, and watches Alec leave. He exhales a shaky breath. "Oh, Alexander. You'll be the death of me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Sunrise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec can't fall asleep. He touches his lips. Did he do the right thing? Did Magnus even want to be kissed? He didn't really reciprocate. But that was kind of beautiful. He let Alec take control. But what if his kiss was just bad and Magnus had been happy that it was over quickly? But the alpha looked so content afterwards and his scent was one of happiness.</p><p>Alec groans and pushes his face into the pillow.</p><p>There's no way of taking it back now anyway. And he doesn't want to. But what if it's going to be awkward now? What if he wants more? What if he wants to have sex? Or bond during his heat?</p><p>Alec spirals more and more. The sun is slowly rising and he knows he won't get any more sleep, so he leaves his room and walks out on the balcony.</p><p>"Can't sleep either?" </p><p>Alec jumps away from the voice. He puts his hand over his heart. "Gosh, you startled me, Magnus!" </p><p>Does this man never sleep? Do warlocks even need sleep?</p><p>Magnus snickers and it's the cutest sound in Alec's ear. "Sorry, Alexander. I didn't mean to."</p><p>"Why can't you sleep?" Alec asks.</p><p>"Well," the warlock inhales audibly, "the most beautiful man I know allowed me to court him just an hour ago. And then he kissed me. I was too surprised to return it. So I just stood there like an idiot. And now I am racking my brains, wondering if he might regret it."</p><p>Alec answers him with a full belly laugh. "He does not. But he may be also overanalysing it to an unhealthy extend."</p><p>Magnus guffaws. "Anything I can help with?" he asks after catching his breath.</p><p>"I don't know. I do not really want to ask how it was for you," Alec says, thanking the angels that there is not enough light yet to make his blush visible.</p><p>Magnus hums. "What if I showed you?"</p><p>The omega nods, unable to find his voice. He watches the alpha rise from his seat. Alec's heart is racing when Magnus walks in his direction until he can feel his breath tingling on his skin. The warlock's lips come closer. Magnus gives him a last questioning look before he closes his eyes and reaches up to press his lips on Alec's. The touch is warm, and tender, and even better than the first time. </p><p>Alec forgets how to think and isn't that wonderful? All he knows is the feeling of the soft movement of their lips, Magnus' hands on his hips, and the alpha's shirt crumpled in his fists. He has no idea when any of this happened, but it feels so good. </p><p>Their mingled scent of happiness is intoxicating and Alec feels a little lightheaded as he forgets to breathe. But who cares when he feels a tongue softly asking for entrance?</p><p>Why did he fight this for so long? He craves this - the feeling of Magnus' muscular body under his hands. He wants to lean into the alpha and just stay in his strong arms. It doesn't make him a needy omega. It makes him a trusting mate. A happy one at that.</p><p>He loses his train of thought when he feels a hand brushing through his hair, holding the back of his head to deepen the kiss even further. The tingling feeling on his lips spreads into his whole body and he feels his boxer briefs dampen. He panics for a moment, but when Magnus hums approvingly into his mouth, he decides that he doesn't mind. It's just his body reacting and it's okay. The scent of their mixed arousal has to be the best thing, Alec has ever smelt.</p><p>When Magnus finally pulls back to give them both a chance to breathe, Alec knows he must look totally dopey. He doesn't care, especially when he sees Magnus' red, swollen lips and his cat-like eyes in the morning sun.</p><p>"You're beautiful," he whispers, stealing himself another peck off his mate's lips.</p><p>Magnus swallows hard. He leans his forehead against Alec's shoulder and Alec pulls him close. He feels his shirt becoming wet and a slight tremble running through Magnus' body.</p><p>"Sssh," Alec murmurs to him softly. "Did I do something wrong?"</p><p>Magnus shakes his head. "No. You're perfect."</p><p>Alec brushes his hand soothingly up and down Magnus' back. "Why are you crying then?"</p><p>Magnus snorts. "Because I'm happy. I've never felt like this before. I ... Sorry, I'm just emotional."</p><p>Alec embraces him even closer. "Don't apologise. I like that."</p><p>Magnus pulls his head back and looks up, scrutinising Alec's face. </p><p>"I'm not one to let my guard down easily, but you make me feel safe to do so," he confesses.</p><p>"I'm glad," Alec says and brushes the tears off his face. "I like holding you."</p><p>Magnus hums happily. "I like that you're taller than me."</p><p>Alec chuckles. "Well, can I call you my little alpha then?" he jokes.</p><p>Magnus shivers in excitement. "I'd love that," he whispers.</p><p>"Oh," Alec answers non-committally and Magnus stiffens in his hold. <i>Shit.</i></p><p>The alpha takes a step back and straightens his shirt. He puts on a smile that Alec can see is a well-crafted mask. The shadowhunter feels guilt heavy as lead in the pit of his stomach.</p><p>"As we are both up, would you like to portal to London and have afternoon tea?" Magnus starts to ramble. "It's sandwiches and scones and such. I know a cute little place in Soho that serves cakes, too. Or if you can stomach it at this early hour, we could go to Rome and have the best pasta you'll ever eat. Personally, my belly doesn't care what time it is. It's always pasta time."</p><p>Magnus' voice could surely convince anybody else that he feels as lightly as he sounds. But Alec realises that he already knows him too well to fall for it. Or maybe it's just the bond that scratches uneasy under his skin.</p><p>"Magnus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ..."</p><p>"It's quite alright, Alec. No big deal. Are you hungry or would you just prefer to be left alone?"</p><p>"I don't want to be alone. I want to talk about what just happened. I want to know how to fix this," Alec pleads.</p><p>"There is nothing to be fixed. You want a strong alpha, Alec. That's okay. That's who I am, after all."</p><p>"Yes, you are. I'd never doubt that. It was just ... unexpected that you would like being called a little alpha. That's all."</p><p>"I know. My apologies."</p><p>Alec sighs forcefully. "Magnus, it is okay. I don't mind."</p><p>"Yes, you do. And you're not the first, so please spare me your comments. I know how to control myself. It won't happen again," he says insistently and goes back inside, straight to the drinks table. He grabs a bottle of Isla whisky and heads for his bedroom.</p><p>Alec holds him back with a hand on his wrist. "I'm truly sorry, Magnus. I just never thought that an alpha might be like this, okay? It's not like I would not like to call you that. It's just not how I thought our dynamics would play out. That's all."</p><p>Magnus sighs. "They can play out however we want them to. And it doesn't need to be one single way either. I can be whoever you need me to be."</p><p>Alec lets go of Magnus' wrist and frantically cards his hands through his hair. He looks devastated. "I just want you to be yourself, Magnus!"</p><p>"That's not how it sounded," the warlock argues.</p><p>Alec understands why Magnus is upset. He knows what it feels like to be not accepted for who you really are, to suppress parts of your true self around the people who are supposed to love you just the way you are.</p><p>"I'm not good at the whole relationship thing, okay?" Alec admits. He rubs a hand to his neck. "I just had my first kiss for heaven's sake!"</p><p>"You never kissed before?" Magnus asks, surprise written all over his face. Alec looks away, but the blush crawling up his neck is answer enough. "Oh, Alexander, I didn't know. I'm sorry."</p><p>Magnus' voice is of such sincerity that it melts Alec's heart. His serious face softens and his lips morph to an impish grin that Magnus wants to see again and again.</p><p>Alec brushes his knuckles over Magnus' cheek. "Let's say we're even and we go to London? I heard there is a giant Ferris wheel. Could be the perfect place to kiss my little alpha some more," he says softly.</p><p>The corner of Magnus' mouth curve up and he lays his hands on Alec's chest. "I will kiss you senseless, my tall and handsome omega," he promises.</p><p>Alec snorts. "You won't hear me complaining."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Rome</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just wanted to say thank you for all of your wonderful comments. They motivate me to keep on writing and warm my heart in this times of craziness. </p><p>I realised that I don't always receive notifications for new comments. So, if I missed one, I am really sorry. Every single comment - long ones as much as a single emoji - mean very much to me.</p><p>Thank you for reading and engaging with this little brain child of mine.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Alec thought being courted by his true mate was a question of going out on a dinner date, getting a new pair of jeans, and living rent-free in his loft, he was deeply mistaken.</p><p>The day starts with afternoon tea in a quirky little backyard café, followed by a lot of kissing in the London Eye, and then a visit to Magnus' favourite shoemaker. After a lot of eye-rolling on Alec's part, Magnus convinces him to portal to Rome and meet <i>the</i> tailor. Alec points out that a bespoke suit and custom-made shoes might not be suitable for his job as a tourist guide.</p><p>Magnus snickers and tells him, "I doubt that you want to visit the Hôtel Ritz in your combat boots." </p><p>Alec panics for a moment.</p><p>He never really thought about what kind of a lifestyle Magnus is used to. He has no idea how to fit into that. Of course, he read Emily Post, learnt about how to use the different kinds of silverware, and stuff like that. Alicante has banquets for every big occasion after all. But that's on a totally different level than the places Magnus drops, again and again, apropos of nothing.</p><p>"You're always beautiful, but you look dashingly handsome in this tux, my love," Magnus says, not even aware of what every single one of these words does to Alec.</p><p>His insides are a warm, churning mass, not unlike a chocolate fountain. How is the alpha able to <i>say</i> such things? Alec's face resembles a tomato and the omega suspects that the alpha enjoys making him blush.</p><p>Alec feels a bit like that woman in the movie his sister once forced him to watch, 'Pretty omega' or something - totally out of place, courted by a man way out of her league. But she got the alpha in the end and there is no doubt in his heart that he will have Magnus, too. But still, it's a bit too much.</p><p>Magnus seems to sense his inner turmoil and lays his hand soothingly on the small of his back. "Now that we have your measurements, it's time to fill that washboard stomach of yours with loads of carbs," he whispers in his ear.</p><p>Alec groans.</p><p>"I'll get fat, Magnus," he protests.</p><p>"We'll walk it off, darling. Don't worry. Rome is beautiful at night."</p><p>Alec acknowledges defeat and walks behind a folding-screen to change into one of his new shirts.</p><p>"You found yourself an <i>interesting</i> omega, signore Bane," the tailor says, quirking an eyebrow. "Whatever became of that lovely lady from last year? She didn't seem that opinionated, more demure, if I may say so."</p><p>Alec can't help but eavesdrop. He holds his breath. A woman that Magnus brought to his tailor? That's not just a one-night stand like the alpha confessed of having had many in the past. That's something serious.</p><p>Suddenly, Alec feels sick.</p><p>"No, you may not," Magnus says sternly. "And if my friend would hear you talk about her in that manner, she would give you a piece of her mind. Both her and my companion are strong people and perfect, just the way they are. I know that your establishment is old. I wasn't aware that your worldview is still stuck in the last century, though."</p><p>The tailor is flustered and apologises a thousand times. Magnus gives him the cold shoulder.</p><p>Alec emerges from behind the screen and makes a beeline for the exit without even saying goodbye. Magnus is right on his tail.</p><p>When they step outside Alec asks in a small voice, "You've brought other omegas here?"</p><p>"You heard us," Magnus grumbles. "Yes. Last year I came with Catarina. It was part of her birthday celebration. But I guess I need to find a new tailor now."</p><p>Alec has never been more relieved in his life. It had only been Catarina.</p><p>"Why do you need another tailor?" he interjects, "Because of what he said? I don't mind, Magnus. I heard worse."</p><p>"Excuse me, Alexander, but I hold people to a higher standard than that."</p><p>They walk through the busy streets. "It's a shame that I never learnt Italian. It sounds great," Alec says, changing the subject trying to soothe the upset alpha.</p><p>"Well, Alexander, if you want to, you have eternity to learn all the languages you like," Magnus remarks.</p><p>"How many do you speak?"</p><p>Magnus shrugs. "Too many to be counted and a lot of them fell out of use. I think I can order food in any state of the world, though."</p><p>"You're bragging," Alec snorts.</p><p>Magnus grins mischievously. "Nope."</p><p>Alec throws back his head in laughter. "Really, what do you see in me? I'm an illiterate pup, compared to you."</p><p>Magnus jerks to a halt. No matter how well disguised as a joke, he can feel the truth lurking behind it. </p><p>"That's nonsense," Magnus says firmly, "People are more than the things they know and the skills they have. These things can be acquired over time. But that's not what gives a person value. Take you for instance. I love what's in your heart. I love the way you make me feel. I love the things I learn because of you. You see the world so differently than I and you open up new perspectives on things I thought I knew."</p><p>Alec looks down at his feet, not really sure what to make of this confession. Magnus grabs his chin tenderly and pushes it up until their eyes meet. "And you are most definitely not a pup."</p><p>He presses a long kiss onto Alec's waiting lips. The shadowhunter wishes they could just keep on kissing. All his doubts, all his fears, any unpleasant thoughts just disappear into thin air.</p><p>Sadly they need air to breathe and Magnus pulls back with a smile. "Come on, we should have dinner. My favourite trattoria is already closed, but I know a nice ristorante with majestic views of the Colosseum."</p><p>When they step out on the rooftop terrace that looks like a classic roof-garden, Alec is left speechless. The Colosseum towers impressively below them, atmospherically backlit against the blue and pink evening sky. They sit down next to a glass balustrade and Alec can't tear his eyes off the monument.</p><p>"Have you ever seen it in its original state?" he asks.</p><p>Magnus smirks. "I'm not <i>that</i> old, Alexander."</p><p>"I'm sorry. Your file doesn't have a birth date."</p><p>Magnus raises an eyebrow in amusement. "I'm glad that the Clave doesn't know everything about me. Did you read my file?"</p><p>Alec blushes. "No, just what came up at the briefing. I still have to wrap my head around the fact that you lived through a lot of events, I only know from history books."</p><p>"One day, our current present will be in the history books, too, Alexander," Magnus muses.</p><p>"It must be hard to always be the one to look back and remember all those who passed away," Alec says softly, studying Magnus' reaction.</p><p>Tears gather in Magnus' eyes. "You never get used to it, unless you harden your heart."</p><p>"You don't appear to be stonehearted," Alec says matter-of-factly, holding his hand supportively.</p><p>"No. But I learnt to savour each moment with the mortals I hold dear, to make a true effort that they don't become mayflies in the vast span of my life. And as hard as it is to confess this to you, I may have courted some omegas just because I didn't want them to leave my life. That was selfish of course."</p><p>"But still, you never mated them. Why?"</p><p>"Some died before we could bond, some met their true mates, and some just ... fell out of love with me." He presses his lips to a thin line. "I guess they realised that eternity with me wasn't a prospect of paradise after all." </p><p>"I'm happy you never mated, even though I wish your heart wouldn't have been broken."</p><p>Magnus gives him a little smile. "I am happy, too. The heartache was all worth it, though. It led me to you."</p><p>Alec lets go of his hand and fidgets with the napkin holder. "Am I really worth all those lost years of happiness?"</p><p>"I wouldn't phrase it that way, because happiness isn't only about being in love and having this love returned. I lived a good life until I met you. And still, if you ask me like that: Yes, you're worth all of this and more."</p><p>They sit in silence until the waitress brings their food. Alec moans around his first forkful of pasta. He never ate maltagliati before, but they taste heavenly with monkfish, pine nuts, and wild fennel. Magnus watches him with unveiled curiosity and Alec catches a whiff of sweet orchid in the open air. He thought that was Magnus' rut scent, but there is no way that it is that right now.</p><p>Alec frowns.</p><p>"Is something wrong with your pasta?" Magnus asks.</p><p>Alec shakes his head. "No, I just ... I can't read your scent right now and it confuses me," he confesses.</p><p>"What exactly?"</p><p>"Your flowery part - I scented it several times over the day. You ... you smell like your first day of rut."</p><p>"Oh," Magnus says, realisation dawning. His soft smile turns into a grin. "You think orchid speaks of lustfulness." Alec nods shyly. Magnus chuckles.</p><p>"No, Alexander. Whenever my scent turns flowery, I'm ... fully at one with myself. It doesn't happen often, but somehow you seem to stimulate it."</p><p>Alec looks at him for a long moment in awe and amazement, then props up his elbow on the table and settles the chin on his knuckles. With a wide grin, he says, "I guess, people will have to get used to it then."</p><p>Magnus beams at him, his happy smile a blinding light against the Italian night sky.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Career choices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus plans to show Alec the world, to share with him places he loves and stories about the people he once knew. Alec goes with the flow, enjoying Magnus' joyfulness at least as much as the trust that the alpha puts in him.</p><p>But after eight days of constant portaling around the globe, Alec feels exhausted. When Magnus tells him his plans for the day, Alec grabs his hand and Magnus falls silent immediately.</p><p>"Why don't we just stay home and relax a little?" Alec asks.</p><p>"Don't you like travelling?"</p><p>"I love it, but I also like spending time with you alone, without sightseeing, or shopping, or fancy meals. I thought we could just - what did Clary call it - Netflix and chill or something."</p><p>"I could finally introduce you to Doctor Who," Magnus smirks.</p><p>"That isn't a hospital series, is it? Izzy always swooned over Dr Shepherd. I never understood why she called him dreamy," Alec says with a shudder.</p><p>"Not your type?" Magnus asks grinning.</p><p>"I don't have a type," Alec replies.</p><p>Magnus chuckles. "How come your sister watched Grey’s Anatomy and you haven't even seen Star Wars?"</p><p>Alec shrugs. "Extra training plus extra studying for the Head position. I didn't have any spare time. Izzy and Jace could indulge in things like hobbies or television."</p><p>"Did you hear from them?" Magnus inquires. </p><p>"Yeah. Izzy updated me on our mother's wrath after she returned to the Institute. I don't know what you told her, but she was furious. She packed and went straight to Idris. Our father stayed to properly set up everything to transfer the leadership to Izzy and Jace. Unlike our mother, he doesn't hold a grudge that Iz brought us together.</p><p>"It's better this way. I love my parabatai, but he's not made for leading an Institute. His own reports are still barely intelligible and now he is in charge of checking those of others? That wouldn't end well. Jace is a warrior first and foremost. Izzy is better with that kind of stuff, at least when she puts her mind on it. But even together they are struggling. None of them has ever stood in for our parents. That was always me."</p><p>"With your parents gone, can't you just go back now? I mean, to work?"</p><p>Magnus looks a little flustered as if he really feared that Alec would leave his life just as quickly as he joined it.</p><p>"Jace said the same. After two days he was so frustrated that he asked me to take over," Alec chuckles. </p><p>Magnus stares at him nervously. "And what did you say?"</p><p>"No, of course."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>The question catches Alec off guard. "Because ... everyone knows that I'm an unmated omega now. Well, unclaimed," he says with a tinge of pink on his cheek. "The whole Institute gossips for weeks now. I could not go into active duty, much less preside over the Institute."</p><p>"Aren't there any anti-discrimination laws to protect you?"</p><p>"Sure, but those are for medical stuff and such. The Clave expects the Head of the Institute to be able to draw respect even from those who disagree with them. That's hardly possible when a subordinate can make them do anything with the use of the alpha voice. Same goes for meetings with the downworld representatives. As far as I know, since Camille's abdication, all of them are alphas."</p><p>"Yes, but none of them would take advantage of your second gender. It's frowned upon in the downworld," Magnus objects.</p><p>"Sorry, but I doubt that the Clave would share that view."</p><p>"But you were always meant to become the next Head of the Institute," Magnus remarks, still not understanding. "What changed?"</p><p>"My parents transferred the few people who knew about my second gender to other Institutes. My mother started this process months ago before they made it official that they would pass the position over to me. The medical staff isn't allowed to talk about it anyway, as it's part of the doctor-patient confidentiality. So, it should have never been an issue. And I would have never gone alone anywhere it could be a problem. Just in case. </p><p>"But now, <i>everyone</i> knows. Ironically, due to the outburst of my mother. She screamed it through the op centre that she would only let us mate over her dead body, and that no child of hers would spread their legs for a downworlder. She might have forgotten that her alpha children already did that, but well."</p><p>"Such a ...!" Magnus stops himself from swearing. "But still, you could return when you are mated, right?"</p><p>Alec looks at him for a long moment. "Sure, but ...," he trails off.</p><p>"But what, Alexander?" Magnus asks with soft eyes.</p><p>Alec swallows the sudden lump in his throat. Magnus can't be serious! "Would you agree to that?"</p><p>"Why wouldn't I?" Magnus asks truly confused now.</p><p>"Umm, what about the chores? I can hardly run the house at day and go demon hunting at night."</p><p>Magnus groans and closes his eyes for a long moment, collecting himself. "How often do I need to repeat that I don't expect anything like that from you? I clean and make the laundry with magic. I love cooking, but I can also conjure anything we want to eat. Unless you are obligated to live in the Institute, I don't see any problem with you going back to work after we mated."</p><p>Alec studies his face. He knows that Magnus tells the truth. He can <i>feel</i> it. And mating is what comes after courtship anyway. Magnus has proven himself more than worthy. But mating involves sex and they are miles away from that. They kiss a lot, yes, but it's still pretty much PG rated.</p><p>"I don't know if I'm ready for the mating step, Magnus," he whispers anxiously.</p><p>"I know, Alexander. But I'm sure we'll get there eventually and I want you to know that you can still work after that if you want to, that is. And if it's as a tourist guide, or a shadowhunter, or anything else - that's your choice to make, and yours alone."</p><p>"You'd be really okay with that?" Alec asks befuddled, not knowing what to think. The possibility was one he thought was no longer an option for him.</p><p>"But of course," Magnus says firmly, "I want my mate to be happy. And if you're a pain in the Clave's ass for millennia to come, that's just the icing on the cake."</p><p>Both laugh and with that, any tension inside of Alec's chest evaporates.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Nesting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Okay, Magnus. We definitely need a knocking feature for portals from now on," Cat declares, turning her back to the two men on the sofa.</p><p>Alec looks like he wants to disappear into the cushions but Magnus just snickers, still lying on top of him.</p><p>"This is not funny, Magnus!" he scolds him.</p><p>"Oh, it is. All those centuries and Cat never walked in on me," he grins.</p><p>Alec gently pushes him off his chest and fishes for the shirt that lies discarded on the floor. Magnus lets out a little mewl of protest when Alec pulls it over his head. He does not show the slightest inclination to do the same.</p><p><i>That's not fair</i>, Alec thinks and tries not to look at the toned body that he felt skin to skin for the first time, only a few seconds ago.</p><p>Magnus gets up, smirking knowingly. "What can I do for you, dearest Catarina?" he asks.</p><p>"I wanted to see if Alec had time to have the heat talk, now that you are finally back in New York," she says, giving the two men a wink.</p><p>Alec groans and covers his face with both hands.</p><p>The noise is so disconcerting that Magnus turns around to him, his face immediately serious. "Alexander?"</p><p>"No time like the present," Alec mumbles, not really ready for this. </p><p>"I'll leave you to it then," the alpha says, presses a kiss to the omega's forehead, and picks up his clothes as leaves the room.</p><p>"Sorry, Alec, that I dropped in unannounced. But it looks like you two made some progress," Catarina says in a soft, yet teasing voice.</p><p>"A little," Alec confesses with a small smile.</p><p>Cat sits down on the sofa next to him, ready to get down to business. "So, you texted me that you wanted to take the next heat and start suppressants afterwards. Is that still the case?" </p><p>Alec nods.</p><p>"Okay, then we should talk about how you want to handle it."</p><p>Alec’s face flushes with embarrassment at this sensitive topic.</p><p>"I know this is difficult for you. But remember, I am a medical professional <i>and</i> I am an omega myself. There is really nothing to be ashamed of, Alec."</p><p>The shadowhunter nods. "I know." He takes a deep breath. "I asked Izzy and Jace for things to add to my ... nest. But I haven't decided where it should be. I just don't get the hang of it. It feels foreign to me."</p><p>Catarina nods in understanding. </p><p>"You never had a nest before. It's totally normal that you're not 100 per cent sure how to do it. It's highly instinctual and can look very different depending on the person. What do you say we build the basics together and you can  rearrange it to your liking later when you add your siblings' stuff?"</p><p>"Okay, sounds good."</p><p>They walk into Alec's room.</p><p>"Some omegas build their nest on the bed," she instructs, "some on the floor, and others prefer the wall closet. Listen to your guts. What feels right?"</p><p>Alec laughs nervously. The nest will be his anchor point in between the heat waves. This is important. He scans the room. His guts only hold a vague feeling of <i>something</i>, but he can't fully grab it. He looks at his bed that he learnt to love. It would be the comfiest option, especially for his companions. The closet is a no-no, too small and too dark. But the floor seems tempting. He could enclose the nest better.</p><p>"I am wavering between the bed and the floor," he finally says.</p><p>"Okay. Close your eyes and picture yourself lying in your nest. What do you see? Don't filter it. There is no right or wrong. There is just what you need to feel comfortable and safe."</p><p>Alec sighs but closes his eyes nonetheless. It's hard to allow himself to even imagine such a situation but he needs to get through this. He is a good strategist and every successful mission depends on good preparations. He takes another deep breath.</p><p>"Soft cushions and blankets. My grandma's quilt from my father's study. He has no scent but it would remind me of him. Izzy's purple scarf and Jace's stupid old superman shirt, maybe something from Max, too, if it's possible."</p><p>"That's good. Very specific. We can work with that." Catarina's smile is audible in her voice. "Now to the surroundings. Where are those things? Is there anything else you want to have there? A stuffed animal maybe or a certain person?"</p><p>Alec is startled by the last question. Does he really want somebody <i>inside</i> his nest? The image morphs and becomes more vivid.</p><p>"Someone is holding me and brushing their hand through my hair while I hold my teddy in my arms." At that confession, Alec squirms a little.</p><p>"That sounds wonderful, Alec. Anything else?" she asks softly. </p><p>Alec shakes his head. "It's stupid."</p><p>"Never," Catarina objects.</p><p>Alec chuckles. "When Magnus and I went to Rome, I had to touch all those fabrics. There was one in midnight blue that was so incredibly soft and the tailor said it was perfect for hot summer days because it binds the sweat and cools the skin. I think I could wrap myself in a bale of that stuff."</p><p>Cat laughs warmly. "You've got quite an exquisite taste for someone who didn't want a nest just a few days ago."</p><p>Alec rubs his hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah, but I do not really need that fabric. There are enough blankets in the closet to build a fortress. I think I want to have it on the floor with the dresser as a barrier. Is that strange?"</p><p>"No, that's pretty common. It's like a cave, secure and manageable, hidden from sight. Shall we start?"</p><p>Alec nods and they move the piece of furniture so that it creates a space spreading to the far side of the room. Cat explains how to build the best underlay for not getting sore, and then Alec arranges pillows and blankets for nearly an hour, lying down again and again. </p><p>At the end he shyly asks Cat to lie down with him. She is happy to comply and spoons him from behind. It should feel silly or strange, but Alec only feels content with Cat's scent of roses and moss after a summer rain around him. </p><p>"Thank you," he whispers.</p><p>"Don't mention it, Alec."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Making out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next couple of days fly by and yet simultaneously, they seem to exist in a timeless void in which Alec and Magnus explore each other emotionally and physically.</p><p>They are back on the couch again, picking up from when Cat interrupted them. Alec is still a little shy when it comes to making out.</p><p>In the past his body has been a weapon first and foremost, a blade to be sharpened and an enemy to overcome. What it has never been is a beloved and worshipped part of his very being. He never felt hands exploring every curve and angle of him, never felt kisses soft and sweet on every square centimetre of his neck. And he's never made somebody else feel the same in return.</p><p>It's beautiful and pure bliss, but also unfamiliar and unsettling in a way, and it's so hard to let himself go. Between all of the little gasps he can't hold in, all the suppressed moans, and the fact that Magnus' ministrations are making him slick, he doesn't know if he wants to control himself very much longer. </p><p>He wants all of this so bad, but he fears the consequences.</p><p>"What is it?" Magnus asks softly, propping himself up on one elbow to get a better look at the omega.</p><p>"Nothing," Alec murmurs, but that only earns him a cocked eyebrow. "I don't know how to deal with this."</p><p>Magnus brushes his knuckles tenderly over Alec's cheek. "With what, darling?"</p><p>"All of it? You make me feel so ..." he trails off and looks away.</p><p>"... good?" Magnus offers.</p><p>"Yeah," Alec replies blushing. </p><p>Magnus looks a little smug. "And why is that a bad thing?" he asks, amusement clear in his voice. </p><p>"That's it. It isn't. But I don't know ... it's making me insecure. I don't know what you want from me, what you expect."</p><p>Magnus knits his brow together. Why does Alec think he has any expectations whatsoever? </p><p>"I want to make you feel good. If what I do does that, then I hope you let yourself enjoy it. And if I do something wrong I want you to tell me. That's all."</p><p>Alec shakes his head and Magnus' frown grows deeper.</p><p>Alec tries to explain himself. "No, I mean. I don't know if ... Are you working up to my heat?"</p><p>His cheeks burn and he feels embarrassment wash over his whole body.</p><p>"Are you asking me if I expect to have sex while you're in heat?"</p><p>"Well, yeah," he confirms.</p><p>"Do you <i>want</i> to have sex while you're in heat?" Magnus asks cautiously. </p><p>"Oh, hell, no! I mean ... it's not that I don't want to ... maybe one day. But I'm not there yet."</p><p>"Then we won't. This is about making each other feel good, Alexander. Nothing more and nothing less. Do you like what we just did?"</p><p>Alec's lips quirk a little upwards. "Yes," he whispers. </p><p>"That's good. I liked it very much, too." </p><p>Magnus presses a soft kiss on Alec's lips and showers little pecks over his face until Alec's eyes close and his features relax. The alpha kisses a trail down over the deflect rune and over his chest. Alec's breath speeds up, but Magnus knows that he's still holding back when his lips touch the soft part over his bellybutton.</p><p>"Darling, why don't you let me hear you?" he inquires, looking up through his eyelashes.</p><p>Alec huffs out the air in his lungs. "I don't want to sound like ..."</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>"Like a slutty omega."</p><p>Magnus sighs. "There's nothing slutty about your body's responses, Alexander. And being slutty isn't necessarily a bad thing, by the way. When I can hear you, I know that you like it. It's a good thing and totally detached from your gender. You'll see when you'll start touching me," he says with a grin.</p><p>
  <i>Oh.</i>
</p><p>Yes, Alec has been rather passive until now, apart from some hesitant brushes over Magnus' sides.</p><p>"I'm sorry," the shadowhunter says, mortified to realise that he has been taking so much and hardly giving anything back in return.</p><p>Magnus makes a clicking sound at the back of his throat. "None of that. You do it when you're ready. I am more than happy to pick up where we left off. Or we can just cuddle. It's all up to you."</p><p>Alec thinks for a long moment. He may be a lot of different things, but he isn't a coward. He takes a deep breath and asks, "Can we switch?"</p><p>Magnus smiles down at him. "But of course."</p><p>It's not an elegant affair due to the narrow surface of the couch, and when Alec is finally on top of Magnus, both men are giggling. It eases the ball of anxiety in Alec's stomach.</p><p>"You tell me if it's bad?" the omega asks.</p><p>"I doubt it will be, but yes, I promise."</p><p>Alec starts with kissing Magnus' lips. They did that a lot in the last few days and he feels more and more confident in this department. He cards his hand through Magnus' hair and cradles his head softly to deepen the kiss. Magnus melts underneath him, opens his lips to invite him in. Alec is happy to oblige. Nothing tastes better than the alpha's mouth.</p><p>Magnus moans softly into the kiss and Alec can feel the sound vibrating through his whole body. This is what Magnus was asking for, he realises. It feels physically good to know that his partner enjoys what they are doing.</p><p>Alec's lips leave Magnus' and kiss down over the sharp edge of his jaw to his neck, and then to the place below his ear that Alec hopes is as sensitive as his own. It is, judging by the way Magnus inhales sharply and lifts his shoulder blades off the couch for a moment.</p><p>Alec smiles.</p><p>That was him. He made Magnus feel good.</p><p>He moves further down, exploring Magnus' neck and shoulder, his firm chest and the perfectly sculpted stomach. He remembers how Magnus kissed his middle earlier. It is softer now than a month ago and all of a sudden, Alec is very self-conscious.</p><p>He feels Magnus' hand brush through his hair and the alpha's gaze on him.</p><p>Oh, right, he stopped kissing.</p><p>He's so bad at this. Maybe Magnus will grow tired of his inexperience very soon. He resumes kissing, but his mind wanders off.</p><p>"Alexander, you don't need to do this," Magnus sighs and Alec hates that he is so often a reason for frustration. He wants to be good, to do this right, but he's just a disappointment.</p><p>"Come here," Magnus says quietly and Alec buries his face in his shoulder.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he apologises, but Magnus just sighs <i>again<i>. </i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Fuck this!</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You know that you don't have to put up with me," Alec hisses, more sharply than he intended.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Alexander, I'm not putting up with you. I enjoyed your kisses very much. I just wondered why you stopped and looked distraught, that's all."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus' defensive tone sounds painful in Alec's ears. He messed this up. He knows it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's just ... your body is perfect."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And so is yours."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec laughs a little self-depreciating. "Sure," he says sarcastically. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It is!" Magnus insists. "I know it's hard for you to accept your body for a myriad of reasons. But I love it. You are beautiful."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec snorts.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Do you think I'm a liar?" the alpha inquires. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"No, of course not!" Alec replies, avoiding looking at Magnus. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Then you'll have to trust me. I love every part of you. You're gorgeous and so fucking hot."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec's cheeks darken. He will never understand how Magnus can look at him and think that. "But I gained weight," he whines. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, because you starved yourself before you came here. You're still toned, just a little more soft in some places. It's healthy and you're pretty."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Don't call me that," Alec says dismissively.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Why not?" Magnus wonders.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's a word for omegas."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus wrinkles his forehead, inwardly cursing the person who planted this thought in Alec's mind.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He takes a deep breath to soften his voice. "Leaving aside the fact that you are an omega, that's just wrong. It's a word for people who are beautiful to you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"So, you wouldn't mind being called that, alpha?" Alec sounds like a petulant child, but he can't help it. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"If you think that I am pretty, of course I wouldn't mind. Quite the opposite to be honest."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec looks at him and thinks of all the times he thought about how beautiful his mate is, but he never said it out loud.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, you are. Pretty that is," he murmurs.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus chuckles warmly and Alec makes a face. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Why thank you, Alexander. I'm happy you like what you see."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He brushes a hand through Alec's hair and strokes a thumb over his cheek. "I know that it will take time to see yourself like this. That's okay. You will get there. If you need me to avoid certain areas, just tell me. If you don't feel comfortable with your shirt off, put it back on."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec shakes his head. "No. I like the feeling of your skin on mine."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus smiles. "Me, too. This is about communication, Alexander. You can tell me everything, ask me anything, okay?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I feel like an F student," Alec confesses.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, you are most definitely not. But if it comforts you, I am learning you, too."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec feels confused.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But you had plenty of sex before," Alec argues.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, I had. But not with <b>you</b>. Knowing the motions doesn't make me a good lover for you. That's where the exploring and talking kicks in. And I'm looking forward to many study sessions."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus grins mischievously and Alec chuckles in return. He can agree to that.</i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Countdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The closer Alec gets to his heat, the more he dreads it. Sure, Catarina walked him through the process, talked about what tools she could offer him, explained medications and supplies. It was the most embarrassing conversation of Alec's life, but Cat's warm and no-nonsense nature made him survive the whole ordeal. Still, talking about anal plugs that contain a heat-soothing agent found in alpha semen wasn't fun and he felt relieved when the talk was finally over.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
He meets Jace for a training session and afterwards coaxes him to leave his workout clothes. Jace's answering laugh is warm and holds no judgement.</p><p>"Or course, buddy. Anything you need," he says and Alec knows his brother means it. Someone has really come around, and Alec is glad about it.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
One day before his heat is supposed to start, Alec answers the door, welcoming Izzy who carries a huge box, much bigger than the few things Alec asked her for.</p><p>She flashes him a bright smile. </p><p>"Santa's early this year," she announces.</p><p>Alec kisses her cheek and takes the box, surprised by its weight. He puts it on the coffee table, sits down on the sofa, and lifts the lid. When he sees the contents, his eyes grow wide and glaze over.</p><p>On top of his father's quilt lies a baby blanket. Alec runs his fingers over the soft fabric, takes it with both hands, and presses it against his nose. He inhales deeply. It smells like Max. It's the blanket that he cradled him in when he was still a baby and that he snuggled with way past his toddlerhood. Alec misses his little brother so much that tears start running down his cheeks.</p><p>Izzy sits down next to him and brushes her hand soothingly over his back.</p><p>"When Max heard that you need something from him, he went straight to his baby box and pulled it out," Izzy explains. "And Dad was so happy to hear that you're well and that you wanted something from him for your nest, too. He has a lot on his plate due to his new job in Alicante and the divorce, but he hopes to see you soon."</p><p>Alec sniffs, trying hard to suppress the rising sob in his throat. "Me, too."</p><p>Izzy hugs Alec with one arm and leans her head on his shoulder.</p><p>Alec lifts the quilt to see what's hidden underneath. Izzy blushes a little and her brother chuckles softly.</p><p>"What is that?" he asks.</p><p>"That's nothing ... just ... this website said that warmth might help with the cramps, but all hot-water bags I could find were either ugly or girly and well ... I pulled out the sewing machine ..."</p><p>"... and you dressed the bottle in black," Alec finishes, running his fingers over the velvet cover. He's incredibly touched by all her efforts. "Thank you, Iz."</p><p>He pulls her in his arms and presses a kiss into her hair. She chuckles quietly. Alec missed that physical closeness to her and pulls her even tighter.</p><p>Somehow, today it is harder to let her go. The next time he'll see her, he doesn't know what he will be like.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
When Alec wakes up, he already feels his upcoming heat scraping underneath his skin. Usually, he would just walk to the infirmary and fall asleep within minutes. But what is he supposed to do now?</p><p>He turns around in his bed, taking in the sleeping form of the alpha lying next to him.</p><p>They shared his bed for the last few nights. As much as Alec loves to fall asleep wrapped around Magnus, he always moves away from him in his sleep. Magnus doesn't comment on it, just like he doesn't question them sleeping in Alec's bed rather than using Magnus' larger one.</p><p>The alpha respects any of Alec's decisions and sometimes the shadowhunter would love to hear him refuse something. It can't be healthy to cater just to one partner's needs. But Alec is still a little unsettled right now and he's just thankful for Magnus' patience and restraint.</p><p>Alec moves over to him and nestles against his back. He breathes in Magnus' orchid scent, the warm sandalwood, and the softly burning bonfire. The scratching eases noticeable and it surprises Alec that Magnus' scent has such a powerful effect on his wellbeing.</p><p>The warlock slowly wakes up, presses his back closer to Alec's front, and hums contentedly.</p><p>"Good morning, my little alpha," Alec purrs and he can feel goosebumps growing on Magnus' skin. The omega smiles and presses a kiss on the neck that stretches delightfully in front of him.</p><p>Magnus turns around, nestling in the crook of Alec's neck.</p><p>"Mmh, you smell so sweet. Did I tell you that I go to Japan for every cherry blossom season?" He takes a deep breath. "Your scent is just perfect."</p><p>Alec blushes. He always hated his own scent. But mingled with Magnus', it's a perfect mix. The sweetness of their flowery tones, his marshmallows melting over Magnus' bonfire, the warm sandalwood as relaxing as the buttery note of his shortbread cookies. It makes sense that their scents complement each other. They are true mates after all.</p><p>Magnus raises his head and presses a soft kiss to Alec's lips. </p><p>"You should eat as long as the heat hasn't fully hit. What do you want for breakfast?" he asks.</p><p>Alec looks away. They talked about this before. Magnus wants him to voice his wishes. It's still weird after all these years of self-denial to ask for more than the basics.</p><p>"Umm ...," Alec manages.</p><p>Magnus chuckles softly. "Spit it out, Alexander."</p><p>Alec still doesn't meet his eyes when he says, "Scones with clotted cream, and maybe croissants from this little bakery in Marseille?"</p><p>"Anything else?" Magnus asks, sensing that Alec is holding back.</p><p>Alec gives him a shy, lopsided smile.</p><p>"Bolo de rolo," he says, his voice nearly a whisper. </p><p>"Your wish is my command," Magnus says, gives him a peck on his cheek, and snaps his fingers. A tray appears on the bedside table, filled with everything Alec wished for plus fruits and two cups of coffee.</p><p>Alec gives him a thankful smile, sits up against the headboard, and sets the tray over his lap. He tears off a small piece of croissant and feeds it to the alpha who hums in delight and leans into Alec's side. They eat in comfortable silence.</p><p>Afterwards Magnus cleans up with a single movement of his hand and asks, "What do you want to do now?" </p><p>"Cuddling maybe? I have no idea when the whole thing really starts. Cat said it might be in an hour or not until this evening."</p><p>"Resting sounds good in any case," Magnus says and wraps himself around Alec's slowly heating body. "Just tell me if you need a cool bath or anything else, alright?"</p><p>Alec nods and nuzzles Magnus' neck. "Yes, alpha."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. The heat - part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The next two chapters mention things like masturbation in a non-explicit way.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He wakes up three hours later, feeling like he is burning up. He is alone in his bed and for a long agonizing moment, he thinks Magnus bailed on him. But then the alpha appears in the doorway.</p><p>"There you are. I ran you a cold bath. I thought you might need it," he says with a soft smile and Alec just nods thankfully. He gets up but his limbs are heavy and every step feels as if he just finished a marathon.</p><p>Magnus supports him on the way. In front of the bathtub, Alec hesitates.</p><p>"I don't think it's a good idea to stay alone in the bathroom, but ..."</p><p>They have never been naked around each other before. He doesn't want the first time to be like this.</p><p>Magnus nods in understanding. "Keep the boxers on. I can change them with magic later if that's all right with you," he proposes.</p><p>Alec hums in response and takes Magnus' offered hand to steady himself while gliding into the lukewarm water.</p><p>"Your bath shouldn't be too cold. You could get circulation problems otherwise," the alpha explains the temperature.</p><p>"You talked to Cat?" Alec asks.</p><p>Magnus looks at him for a moment, then shakes his head. "You're not the first omega I have helped through their heat."</p><p>
  <i>Right.</i>
</p><p>Somehow, this information stings more than any time that Magnus talked about his earlier love and sex life. Alec knows that it doesn't make sense to be jealous of his former partners, but his inner omega is right under the surface and it howls loud and clear.</p><p>Maybe Alec's scent changes or Magnus sees it in his face - either way, the alpha kneels next to the bathtub and runs his fingers soothingly through Alec's hair and presses a kiss to his temple. The constant touch calms the omega down and anchors him.</p><p>They don't talk for a while until the water is cold and Magnus helps Alec out of the water. With a snap of his fingers, Alec is dry and clothed in soft leisurewear. The omega feels a little lighter now and ready to eat and drink.</p><p>Magnus leads him to the dining table and conjures pieces of cool melon, mango, and cucumber cubes, and a jug full of a yellow-ish liquid.</p><p>"That's a mixture to help with your electrolyte balance," he explains. "It's better than these sports drinks that are full of artificial sweeteners and flavourings."</p><p>Alec nods. He is already too tired again to talk much. His head aches and every muscle is thrumming. He feels himself slick and he silently praises every deity there is for the invention of absorbing pads.</p><p>But with the slick comes the moment he dreaded the most - the urge to be filled and to find sexual release.</p><p>"I need to take care of something," he says and stands up, swaying like a blade of grass in the wind. He shakes his head no when Magnus offers his assistance, but lets him follow to the bathroom.</p><p>"I won't lock the door, but I need to be alone for this," Alec mumbles and he can see how Magnus reins in his inner alpha as he struggles to agree.</p><p>It must be difficult for him not to be able to help his omega. Alec asks himself if it is fair to let Magnus go through all of this. Maybe he should have taken up Catarina's offer to stay with her, but he couldn't let her sacrifice precious vacation days, not when Magnus said he'd be happy to care for him.</p><p>Alec moves the package of the anal plug from one hand into the other. It doesn't really help that Cat explained that it is a medical device that releases the medication over time and signals his body to be filled. He never touched himself <i>there</i> before. It's just weird to do it now. Alec takes a deep breath. What has to be done, has to be done.</p><p>When he's finished he catches himself in the mirror, sweat pearling down his face, his shirt already soaked through, and his erection impossible to ignore. </p><p>He knows that Magnus is anxiously waiting on the other side of the door, but he also knows that he has to take care of it and better here than in his bedroom with Magnus having to clean him up later. That will happen soon enough.</p><p>Masturbating is more a chore than pleasure in this situation, but it gets the job done. Alec feels a little better afterwards, so that's a win.</p><p>Magnus leads him back to his room, waiting at the threshold until Alec motions him to enter.</p><p>The omega lays down in his nest and the alpha settles on the bed. Alec snarls at him and Magnus chuckles.</p><p>"Are you inviting me into your nest, Alexander?" he asks, wanting to make sure.</p><p>Alec rolls his eyes. "Of course. You're my alpha."</p><p>"You don't have to," Magnus states matter-of-factly.</p><p>"I know," Alec mumbles, "but I want you here."</p><p>Magnus smiles warmly. "Okay, but throw me out when you need to be alone," he reminds him.</p><p>Yes, that is their agreement. Alec is the boss. They won't do anything they didn't do before the heat and that was basically just kissing and touching over the belt, plus a little dry-humping.</p><p>Magnus slips into the empty space next to Alec and the omega wraps himself around him like an octopus. Magnus smiles and kisses his hair. There will be some time to rest until the next wave of need will wash over Alec and there will be many more following in the next three or so days.</p><p>He should sleep, but Alec can't make his brain shut up. What if this won't work out?</p><p>"You can leave if it gets too much, you know that, right?" Alec asks.</p><p>Magnus huffs. "As if I will leave you when you need me."</p><p>"There is no obligation on your part," Alec argues.</p><p>Magnus sighs, trying to suppress his inner alpha's urge to growl. </p><p>"None but the facts that you are my scent bonded mate, I am courting you, and agreed to take care of you. Yes, there is no obligation whatsoever," he deadpans.</p><p>"Don't want to be a burden," Alec mumbles.</p><p>"There's no universe where you would ever be a burden, Alexander."</p><p>Alec hides his face on Magnus' chest and bites his lower lip. Why is it so hard to just accept Magnus' help?</p><p>When the next wave arrives, Alec cuddles and kisses Magnus until his compulsion to ask him for more grows to be too much, and he sends him out of the room. He knows that it goes against every fibre of the alpha's being, but Magnus keeps his promise and respects his wish. </p><p>When the door closes Alec whimpers and struggles against the urge to call him back. The onslaught of need is worse than the first time he jacked off today and he knows it will get even more intense later on through his heat.</p><p>He presses his nose into the cushion Magnus laid on just a minute ago, searching for the alpha's scent, and imagining his strong arms around him.</p><p>Alec touches himself until he comes in his boxers. It should bring relief, but it doesn't. It's just an empty orgasm, nothing pleasurable. At least the wave flattens and he feels more like himself again.</p><p>He takes another deep breath and cleans his hand on his shirt. He wonders how much worse it would be without the medication and pushes himself off the nest. He walks to the door and finds Magnus pacing on the other side.</p><p>"Hey," Alec says tiredly, tears piercing his eyes when he sees the usually settled alpha so uneasy. "I need a shower," he proclaims, walks past him, and sees Magnus' silent nod only out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>When Alec stands under the cool spray of water, he allows himself to let the tears fall. They talked intensely about his heat and still, it's so hard on both of them. This is not what it should be like.</p><p>Catarina was right when she told him that he would feel physically better than his first time. But they never talked about the mental toll it would take on him and now it's coming around to bite him in the ass.</p><p>Alec washes himself and puts on fresh clothing. He walks to the dining table and slumps on a chair, chugging the tall glass of electrolyte drink that Magnus already poured him.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" Magnus asks softly. </p><p>Alec chuckles darkly. "Just peachy."</p><p>Magnus sighs quietly but doesn't respond. He puts a variety of foods on the table and sits down on the opposite side.</p><p>Alec devours a large piece of lasagna and a generous serving of mousse au chocolat, all while avoiding Magnus' soft gaze.</p><p>When he's full he leans back and looks down at the hands in his lap. </p><p>"I'm sorry," he says in a low voice.</p><p>"What for?" Magnus asks not unkindly.</p><p>"It must be hard for you to be bossed around by an unthankful omega."</p><p>"You are not bossy, Alexander. You just voice your needs. Are you unthankful, though?"</p><p>"No, of course not! It's just ..." He shakes his head. "You know what? Nevermind."</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Magnus inquires. </p><p>Alec nods and raises from his chair.</p><p>"I need a nap." He looks at Magnus with vulnerable eyes. "Will you join me?" he asks. At this point, he's way over acting as if he didn't need the alpha with him.</p><p>"But of course," Magnus replies, the table cleared with a single movement of his hand. </p><p>They walk into Alec's room and this time Magnus settles down into the nest first, inviting the omega to nestle into his embrace.</p><p>"I don't want you to leave when the next wave is coming," Alec whispers.</p><p>Magnus pulls him closer and presses a kiss on his temple, tears of gratitude standing in his eyes.</p><p>"I will stay," he promises.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. The heat - part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus wakes up with Alec on top of him, kissing him deeply and rubbing his whole body intently all over him. The alpha chuckles in surprise and gives in to the omega's demanding tongue. Alec is really a natural when it comes to kissing and Magnus isn't completely sure if it is his skilled mouth or the clear scent of omega arousal surrounding them that makes him dizzy.</p>
<p>What he knows is that his inner alpha is more than happy to indulge the omega's unspoken requests and that he must be careful to not let him run free. As good as it might be that Alec embraces his inner omega for the very first time, it doesn't mean that the shadowhunter really wants what his body demands.</p>
<p>Magnus cards his hands through Alec's hair and swallows his moans with his mouth. This is more intense than any makeout session they had before, maybe because Alec is so unfiltered now. It does things to Magnus' insides and for the blink of a moment, he wonders if he will really be able to go through with this.</p>
<p>He's been with omegas in heat before, sure. But he was never that attracted to one, never bonded in a comparable way. This isn't just a person he desires. This is his true mate, his beautiful, stubborn, virgin of a mate who put all his trust in him. He can't, no, he won't give in to his instincts that tell him to just take him, to claim him as his own. It was difficult for Magnus that Alec took care of himself twice already, hard to not be the one helping him through this.</p>
<p>Waiting for Alec behind the door, memories of Imasu came to his mind. At the beginning of their relationship, he held him through his heat. His lover told him that he felt so much better with him just being there, compared to dealing with a heat all on his own.</p>
<p>No matter what, now that he asked him to stay Magnus must prove himself worthy through it all. He wants Alec to suffer as little as possible.</p>
<p>Alec is different to anyone Magnus has ever been with, omega or not. He is always considering other's needs before his own. Magnus thinks about their earlier conversation. Bossy? Magnus would have laughed at that if he didn't sense how serious the shadowhunter meant the question. He wished the omega would be more selfish, especially now.</p>
<p>As if on cue Alec moans, "Need you," into Magnus' ear.</p>
<p>"You have me," Magnus replies and lets his hands wander down the strong back to cup his ass.</p>
<p>"Inside of me," Alec whines desperately.</p>
<p>Magnus' alpha howls in anticipation, but the warlock silences him with the utmost willpower and puts him on a short leash. It's important that he handles this right.</p>
<p>"I am here for you, Alexander, but this is not what you agreed to beforehand," he says softly.</p>
<p>Alec growls. "But I want it <b>now!</b></p>
<p>"Darling, you are not in a position to give full consent in this very moment," Magnus says, cupping the omega's face softly and brushing his thumbs tenderly over his cheeks. </p>
<p>Alec cries now and it tears Magnus' heart into pieces. He brushes the tears away from Alec's face and peppers little kisses all over it.</p>
<p>"It's okay, my love. I'm here," the alpha cooes.</p>
<p>"Want you," Alec murmurs. </p>
<p>"I know," he replies, his voice trembling from emotions. "I want you, too. What do you say we lose our shirts and then you take what you need?"</p>
<p>"Only the shirts?"</p>
<p>"Yes, that's the line," Magnus says firmly.</p>
<p>Alec whines again, but somewhere in his heat muddled brain, he processes that Magnus won't budge, no matter what, so he takes what he can get. He eagerly pulls his own shirt over his head and helps Magnus to do the same with his.</p>
<p>Alec's burning skin cools slightly when it touches Magnus' and the omega sighs contentedly. He feels the alpha caressing and kissing every inch of skin that he can reach. Every touch eases the itching underneath. </p>
<p>Alec embraces him with one arm and in a demonstration of his strength, he flips them around. Magnus snickers in surprise and dives right into a kiss.</p>
<p>"Smart, tall, and strong," he praises breathlessly. "You're really the full package."</p>
<p>Alec smiles at him mischievously. Magnus loves this look on him. It suits the omega.</p>
<p>He kisses a trail over the sharp line of Alec's jaw, over his neck and down to his chest.</p>
<p>"So beautiful," Magnus whispers and kisses lower until he reaches Alec's waistband. From there he kisses upwards until he reaches his mouth again.</p>
<p>Alec ruts his erection against his hipbone and a gasp falls from Magnus' lips. This was unexpected, but an idea flashes through his mind.</p>
<p>"Do you want to make yourself come like this?" he asks and Alec looks away, shyness flooding him even through his heat-induced needs. "It's okay if you want to. We did this before, remember? Just without coming and you need the release now. I'm alright with that."</p>
<p>Alec just nods, not able to speak. Magnus kisses him encouragingly and it doesn't take long until Alec starts moving and comes with Magnus' name on his lips.</p>
<p>This time around Alec feels much better, more satiated. There is still a lingering need to be filled more thoroughly, but he actually smiles up to his alpha. Magnus in turn is thrilled to have helped in such a tangible way.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Alec whispers when he comes down from his high and Magnus holds him gently in his arms.</p>
<p>Magnus cocks an eyebrow. "For what?"</p>
<p>"For not taking advantage of me."</p>
<p>"Never," Magnus whispers and the sincerity in this single word warms Alec's soul.</p>
<p>Alec looks deeply into Magnus' eyes. The slight nausea that lingered in his belly since the heat began, makes space for a swarm of butterflies.</p>
<p>He has never been more sure of anything in his life. He takes the alpha's face softly into his hands and rubs his thumb over the kiss swollen lips.</p>
<p>"I love you," he whispers and Magnus' happy scent explodes around him.</p>
<p>"I love you, too, Alexander," he whispers back and presses his lips softly on Alec's. </p>
<hr/>
<p>The following waves are much easier to endure.</p>
<p>Magnus doesn't leave Alec's side at all. He holds him, cleans him, and feeds him as needed. The warlock is weary. His inner alpha tries to overrule his rational mind again and again. But his love for Alec comforts him and gives him strength. </p>
<p>Finally, Alec's heat slowly ebbs away and Izzy arrives to check on the two men. Both are exhausted and Alec sends Magnus away to shower and catch up on some much-needed sleep. The alpha goes reluctantly, but when he sees Alec lying contentedly in his sister's arms, he leaves the room with a small smile.</p>
<p>"How was it, hermano?" Izzy asks softly, smiling at the hot-water bottle nestled against Alec's back.</p>
<p>"It was okay. More than okay. We needed to find our groove, but it worked out."</p>
<p>She brushes her hand through Alec's hair.</p>
<p>"You were very brave to try a natural heat and I am happy that it turned out good."</p>
<p>"I'm not brave," he mumbles into her shoulder.</p>
<p>"You are the bravest person I know, Alec, on so many different levels. You battle demons, those from hell just like your inner ones. And I am very proud to call you my brother."</p>
<p>"You flatter me," he chuckles.</p>
<p>"Telling the truth isn't flattery. I'm sorry that I never told you all these things before. You were always the one Jace, Max, and I looked up to. We still do."</p>
<p>Alec smiles.</p>
<p>"Can you please tell me that again, later when my brain is fully back online?"</p>
<p>Izzy grins. "As often as you need to hear it, hermano."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. A new life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"We're going out tonight," Alec proclaims over breakfast. </p><p>Magnus smiles at him. "What's the occasion?"</p><p>"Today, I get my first paycheck," Alec explains with a wide grin.</p><p>"Congratulations, Alexander!" Magnus says, raising his juice glass to clink against his.</p><p>The warlock is truly happy for his mate. Alec enjoys being a tourist guide more than he thought he would. Not that he doesn't complain about it more often than not, but his whole demeanour has changed. It is obvious that Alec loves to be a little more independent from Magnus.</p><p>The alpha is delighted that his omega smiles more often, speaks his mind, meets up with family and friends without asking for his permission.</p><p>Overall, Alec is much more relaxed around him. It's as if something settled inside of him since he saw that Magnus really doesn't mind him working away from home.</p><p>"I thought we could try the new Indonesian restaurant you talked about," Alec proposes.</p><p>Magnus smiles in response. He mentioned it a few days ago and Alec still remembers.</p><p>"That's a lovely idea. When are you done with work?"</p><p>"At five. I'll make a reservation for seven if that's alright?"</p><p>"It's perfect."</p><p>Alec leans forward on his forearms. "Can I make a request?" he asks, a little smirk playing on his lips. "Would you wear a black outfit for me?" </p><p>Magnus raises an eyebrow in amusement. Alec never ceases to surprise him.</p><p>"If you insist."</p>
<hr/><p>When Alec comes home he finds Magnus in their bedroom, sitting at his vanity table, applying the make-up for the evening. The omega watches him in silence. How far they have come in a matter of weeks. He can't imagine not having this man in his life anymore. He doesn't want to.</p><p>Alec never thought he could have this. As hard as spending his heat together was, it made clear how deeply Magnus cares for him. It's nearly too easy to trust him after that, to throw himself into unknown territory, to let the alpha fully in.</p><p>The corners of Magnus' mouth twitch upwards, but he doesn't say a word, just enjoys the adoring gaze of his mate. He continues working on his make-up until he is satisfied and puts down the brush. He locks eyes with Alec in the mirror.</p><p>The nephilim walks to him and presses a soft kiss to his neck.</p><p>Alec takes in all the little details. Magnus is really an artist. "It's the same make-up you wore the night we met, isn't it?" the omega inquires. </p><p>Magnus smiles warmly. "You remember that?"</p><p>Alec hums. "How could I ever forget? Your eyes were like jewels, so beautiful. Looking into them I could hardly remember my name."</p><p>Magnus snickers and waves his hand over his face, casting a light protection spell over his finished creation.</p><p>"You may kiss me now," Magnus concedes and Alec answers him with a deep belly laugh.</p><p>He sweeps the warlock up in his arms and Magnus once more savours the strong side of his beloved omega.</p><p>Alec lays him down on their bed and kisses him breathless, but they pull themselves together and get up after a few minutes of making out.</p><p>Later, when Alec comes out of the shower, he finds Magnus standing in front of the wardrobe, deep wrinkles on his forehead.</p><p>"All black, you said?" Magnus wants to make sure.</p><p>"Umm, ya, I've got something for you and I don't want it to clash with anything you're wearing tonight," Alec replies, a soft pink colouring his cheeks.</p><p>"Can I see it now?" Magnus asks, his heart fluttering excitedly in his chest.</p><p>"Get dressed first," Alec orders with a face splitting grin and takes his tailor-made suit that they picked up in Cairo the day before. It is Magnus' last courting gift.</p><p>Alec slips into the jacket and Magnus smooths out a few creases on his shoulders.</p><p>"Such a handsome man. You look good enough to eat."</p><p>"No sweets before dinner," Alec jokes and winks at Magnus. "But you're the one to talk. Look at you!"</p><p>How someone can wear all black and still shine like the sun will probably remain an enigma to Alec for all eternity, but the alpha always manages to take his breath away. He doubts that he will get ever tired of looking at him.</p><p>"Now I want my gift," the warlock demands and Alec chuckles in amusement. </p><p>"I hope you like it. If not, we can return it," Alec says shyly and hands him a flat black box with golden inscription. Magnus recognises the brand name as one of his favourite designers.</p><p>"Who told you ...?" he whispers.</p><p>"Cat. She helped me pick it out, too."</p><p>Magnus opens the box, flips the silken tissue paper to the side, and runs his fingers over the soft fabric. He takes the ruby-coloured scarf and puts the box to the side. He studies the shawl's intricate pattern woven in black and silver threads.</p><p>"It's beautiful! Thank you, Alexander."</p><p>He puts the scarf around his neck, runs his hands over both ends, and looks at his reflection in the mirror. Alec embraces him from behind and Magnus turns his head to press a chaste kiss to his lover's cheek.</p><p>Later at dinner, Magnus tells him stories about his favourite Indonesian food and of his early childhood years. They decide to walk home after, savouring the cool air of an early autumn evening. </p><p>When they arrive in front of their building, Alec stops. Magnus furrows his brow.</p><p>"What's the matter, Alexander?" he asks cautiously.</p><p>The shadowhunter pushes his jaw forward in an attempt to conceal a smile.</p><p>"I know this sounds cheesy as hell, but ... I wracked my brains trying to find a way to reciprocate your gift of shelter as it is required for finishing the courtship."</p><p>Magnus' eyes widen in realisation. The scarf, the dinner - these were Alec's courting gifts for him. How couldn't he see that earlier?</p><p>Elephants stomp through his stomach and he feels a little dizzy. It's really happening! Alec wants to become his mate not because of fate or due to hormones and scents, but out of his own free will.</p><p>Alec gives him a smile. "I realised that you giving me a bed to sleep in wasn't what fulfilled this obligation. You did not only give me a place to live, but you also gave me a home."</p><p>The words warm Magnus' heart. </p><p>Alec fiddles with the hem of his jacket and looks intensely at his own hands. Magnus knows then that the omega is about to say something very important, that whatever he will give him is wrapped up in vulnerability and trust.</p><p>"You told me about all the places you lived and that you once called home before you came to New York. I understand that Brooklyn may not be your forever home either. But I want to give you that. A home, I mean. I want to be the person you feel at home with."</p><p>Alec raises his gaze, a soft pink adorning his cheeks. "So, this is my last courting gift. You will forever have a home in me, if you want to."</p><p>Magnus' eyes fill with tears and for a long moment, he is rendered speechless. He steps closer and encircles Alec's neck with his hands, his fingers softly brushing through the hair at the nape of his neck.</p><p>"Of course I do. It's the greatest, most thoughtful gift I have ever received. And I promise to cherish it with all my heart."</p><p>Alec smiles brightly like the full moon above them, and they stay there in the middle of the pavement, kissing and hugging and laughing in their little bubble of happiness. </p>
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  <b>One year later</b>
</p><p>Alec puts his briefcase on his desk and sinks into the chair. Today's agenda is full to the brim and the last night's reports are piling up in the reading queue on his tablet.</p><p>The Downworld Cabinet will meet with him at 3 pm and he wants to get as much work finished as possible. The evening is blocked for their mating anniversary and he will be damned if anything comes between him and his alpha tonight.</p><p>364 days ago he stepped into the Institute, his fresh mating bite proudly on display. He will never forget the surprised looks he got in the op centre when he walked to the screen, entered his new password, and changed his file back to active duty.</p><p>Jace patted him proudly on his back, Izzy and even Clary pulled him into a tight hug.</p><p>"Ready to release us from our misery?" Jace asked and Alec nodded, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth, and they gathered the shadowhunters to pronounce him the new Head of the New York Institute.</p><p>One year. One year full of personal happiness and professional struggle. One year of using all connections his father could provide to make the leadership change last. One year of sadly many transfers for disciplinary reasons, but also more applications for transfers to New York than vacancies available.</p><p>Change came like a tidal wave and it was exhausting and exhilarating all at once.</p><p>Now the New York Institute is the most gender diverse entity of the Clave and shadowhunters from all around the world want to serve under the first omega Head in history. So many changes for the better and Alec only just started.</p><p>He looks at Magnus' photograph on his desk, his alpha smiling at him out of the silver frame. He's sporting his own mating bite with pride, a step unheard of in shadowhunter circles. But Magnus insisted.</p><p>"You are mine as I am yours. We're equals," he had said before baring his neck. Alec gets happy butterflies in his heart every time he sees the bite mark on his alpha.</p><p>Alec smiles.</p><p>He thought he lost everything that night when he jumped off the balcony, but what he found is more than he ever imagined to have - a loving mate, the job of his dreams, and all that while just being himself, an unapologetic omega.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was it. I hope you liked the happy ending for our lovely couple. 👬</p><p>Thank you for reading, kudos, and comments. It means the world to me that someone enjoys my stuff. 💚</p><p>Many thanks to the wonderful codenamepenguin who betaed nearly all chapters of this story. Thank you for your work and support. 💙</p><p>Tomorrow I'll start a new Malec AU. Maybe you want to join me in the world of law &amp; love. ⚖💜</p><p>Take care!<br/>Sabine</p>
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